2 hari di bulan Ramadhan baru sahaja berlalu dan saya duduk di sini, menyusun kata-kata di tempat yang entah berapa lama sepatutnya telah pun diisi. Apa nak dibuat, kemalasan mengatasi segala-galanya.
Ramadhan yang ketiga buat saya di bumi Allah Volgograd ini. Seperti biasa kalau ada yang bertanya bagaimana rasanya berpuasa di sini, pastinya jawapan saya begini.
"Selain daripada tidak berpeluang berbuka bersama keluarga disamping terlepas peluang menjenguk-menjenguk di bazar Ramadhan, tidak ada apa-apa sangat yang lain"
Tapi mungkin Ramadhan ini mempunyai erti yang berbeza untuk mereka yang lain. Ramadhan kali ini merupakan ulang tahun pertama rakan russia kami Mahadi a.k.a Vitali memeluk islam. Ini juga merupakan puasa pertama barangkali kepada Salma(sahabat Aiza)yang baru juga mendapat hidayah. Ini juga pasti suasana baru bagi Yat yang sekarang sudah pun berpindah dari hostel untuk tinggal di kvartira(rumah). Pengalaman baru bagi Apih dan rakan-rakan serumah setelah baru sahaja berpindah ke kvartira yang baru dek kerana harga sewa yang secara ajaibnya melambung dua kali ganda dan pastinya suasana baru kepada adik-adik (1st Year) kami yang baru sampai ke sini(Moga kalian dikurniakan banyak-banyak kesabaran).
Sepanjang minggu lepas, satu perkataan sahaja yang mampu mengambarkannya.
'Penat!'.
Keterlaluan penatnya. Setelah berjaya meloloskan diri menghadapi 2 hari yang kami suka gelarkan sebagai 'hari kerja kilang' yang tiada lunch break (8 am-6 pm). Saya terpaksa pula melayan diri samada untuk mengikut kehendak diri yang sudah pun kehilangan keseluruhan tenaga untuk rehat ataupun melihat buku-buku yang memang perlu dibelek. Hari Jumaat memperlihatkan betapa terduduknya saya menerima segala kemungkinan yang ada dengan kemuncak kepada segala cabaran apabila Theraphy dan Pharmacology dikumpulkan sekali. Mengeletar jari, bila membuat percussion, bukan disebabkan takut dan tak tahu tapi kerana rasa beban yang terpendam. Pharmacology memperlihatkan bagaimana yang dikendong tercicir-cicir kebelakang dan yang dicari entah ke mana.
Terima kasih atas segala motivasi dan saranan daripada rakan tersayang; Afiq, Kak Haneem, Khazirul. Moga-moga, minggu ini dalam bulan yang berkat ini, resolusi saya yang baru itu berjaya.
Hakikatnya, dalam satu tandan pisang taklah semuanya buruk, saya akhiri minggu dengan permulaan puasa penuh yang penuh barakah di samping seronok menjalankan tugas sukarelawan saya selaku ahli paramedic PPIM. Minggu ini tak ada kes yang teruk (padahal yang biasanya pun muscle sprain saja), adalah sekali dua turun ke bawah berlari, mengangkat orang yang bergolek-golek (menahan sakit) di atas padang. Satu ayat yang saya suka cakap bila dah sampai kepada pesakit.
"Air(udara) please! Tolong kasi ruang sikit ye" kemudiannya melihat semua orang berundur. (Hehe ini yang agaknya Doktor Latiff katakan yang bidang kita ni nak jadi lebih dari boss pun boleh)
Tapi kalau dibuat gayanya tak ada apa kes, duduklah kami di situ, di samping mencuci dan merawat mereka-mereka yang cedera ringan. Satu lagi perkara yang saya suka buat adalah bila dapat peluang mengunakan cold compress. Apalagi, saya terus letak peket cold compress di atas tanah, tumbuk sikit dan pling! dan jadi objek 4 segi yang sangat sejuk. Macam ahli silap mata pula.
Oh! ada lagi rupanya yang menarik minggu ini. Saya hampir telupa yang ketika kelas Bioethic yang pertama. Saya telah diberikan markah cemerlang(5) dari Miss Guba untuk jawapan yang menarik. Sebenarnya, bukanlah semua yang keluar dari mulut saya itu seratus peratus tulen daripada saya. Kredit perlu di beri kepada Helmi dan Dr. Latiff. Apa boleh saya buat, dari dulu semenjak jadi pambahas ketiga, cikgu sendiri katakan yan kebolehan saya adalah mengambil kata-kata orang lain dan menjadikannya lebih menarik. Yang sebetulnya saya belajar dari pengalaman, itu yang saya pelajari maka itulah yang saya cuba adaptasi.
Jawapan ini merupakan jawapan kepada soalan 'WHY YOU WANT TO BECOME A DOCTOR?'
"It is my nature to share, I admit that I like to share as for me, all things in this world is a privilege. For me to sit here is a privilege, for you to stand there is also a privilege. For you to teach us Bioethic is a privilege and for us to have a chance to learn it also a privilege. Life is a privilege but nothing is just for ourselves. A lot of things can be shared. Being a doctor has allowed me to share my privilege of gaining medical knowledge so I can try my best to give other person the privilege of living. And I think by only through this way; I can make myself a better person, make others a better person and thus having a better world"
Jawapan ikhlas daripada saya. Mungkin ini mengapa tekad saya untuk membangunkan Paramedic PPIM Russia Student Chapter. Di samping dorongan daripada Dr. Azhar dan Dr. Rohaya yang saya jumpa dalam cuti summer yang lalu. Kedua-duanya berkhidmat dalam MERCY.
Apa-apapun, rasa yang amat besar yang Ramadhan kali ini punyai makna yang besar buat diri saya. Moga bulan tidak berlalu begitu sahajai. Kepada keluarga dan sahabat seperjuangan yang di kasihi sekalian SELAMAT BERPUASA DAN BERIBADAT saya ucapkan. Moga bulan ini penuh barakah hendaknya buat kita semua.
Selasa, September 26, 2006
Ahad, September 10, 2006
Selamat Kembali
Gembira? Sedih? entahlah tak ada perasaan yang tergambar ketika ini. Cukuplah saya katakan yang sekarang saya sedaya upaya cuba mendapatkan rentak. Dengan keadaan jadual yang tidaklah rasanya sangat memihak kepada kami, saya sedaya upaya menjadikan keadaan paling selesa yang mungkin. Alhamdulillah kebanyakan lecturer yang mengajar kelas kami kali ini banyak yang memudahkan dari yang merumitkan.
Sudah pasti rasa sedih meninggalkan Malaysia, padahal ini sudah merupakan kali ketiga. Mendengar orang russia bercakap di dalam kapal terbang sudah cukup membuatkan hati ini goyang. Satu sahaja yang saya pegang
'Ini juga bumi Allah dia berhak memudahkan dan menyukarkan keadaan'
dan alhamdulillah ia banyak membantu.
Syukur tidak ada rasa kecewa meninggalkan Malaysia, bagi saya apa yang saya cari ketika di Malaysia berjaya saya temui. Tidak sabar pula untuk menggunakan kekuatan yang telah banyak dikumpul di Malaysia. Teringat pula satu hari itu Aqisz ada cakap.
"Kita tak boleh dapat semua benda yang kita hendak dalam hidup ni, Kadangkala kita perlu korbankan sesuatu untuk mendapatkan sesuatu yang lain"
Sesampainya sahaja dan mendapatkan bilik, benda pertama yang tercapai satu bingkai kaca berisi replika kapal di dalamnya pemberian daripada rakan seperjuangan. Suka saya membaca perkataan dibelakangnya.
'Perjuangan yang belum selesai'
Moga-moga dipermudahkan segalanya. Amin!!
Sudah pasti rasa sedih meninggalkan Malaysia, padahal ini sudah merupakan kali ketiga. Mendengar orang russia bercakap di dalam kapal terbang sudah cukup membuatkan hati ini goyang. Satu sahaja yang saya pegang
'Ini juga bumi Allah dia berhak memudahkan dan menyukarkan keadaan'
dan alhamdulillah ia banyak membantu.
Syukur tidak ada rasa kecewa meninggalkan Malaysia, bagi saya apa yang saya cari ketika di Malaysia berjaya saya temui. Tidak sabar pula untuk menggunakan kekuatan yang telah banyak dikumpul di Malaysia. Teringat pula satu hari itu Aqisz ada cakap.
"Kita tak boleh dapat semua benda yang kita hendak dalam hidup ni, Kadangkala kita perlu korbankan sesuatu untuk mendapatkan sesuatu yang lain"
Sesampainya sahaja dan mendapatkan bilik, benda pertama yang tercapai satu bingkai kaca berisi replika kapal di dalamnya pemberian daripada rakan seperjuangan. Suka saya membaca perkataan dibelakangnya.
'Perjuangan yang belum selesai'
Moga-moga dipermudahkan segalanya. Amin!!
Rabu, Ogos 16, 2006
Summer Camp PPIM 2006 (Rumusan)
"Apa yang lebih penting bukan tentang apa yang diajarkan tetapi apa yang dapat dipelajari"- Pok Nik, Kem Rebutia
Alamak, dah lambat ni. tergocoh-gocoh saya bergegas ke dewan terbuka. Kelihatan di sana sudah ramai peserta-peserta berkumpul. Dalam minda ini sudah mula memikirkan hukuman-hukuman, kalau tidak pun sekurang-kurangnya pasti di malukan.
Tapi aneh sekali sampai sahaja di sana, Pok Nik yang juga merupakan pakar motivasi untuk program ini hanya tersenyum. Sedikit pun tidak terkeluar kata maki hamun dari mulutnya.
Rupa-rupanya memang begitulah gaya beliau, keseluruhan Summercamp ini diuruskan dalam masa yang fleksibel. Diubah mengikut kesesuaian peserta, 'Zero stress' itulah rasa istilah yang rasanya layak digunakan.
Kalau difikirkan ini sudah pelik, tunggu jika anda tahu bagaimana sepanjang Summercamp ini kami sangat banyak tergelak, seolah-olah sedang menonton cerita bukannya mendengar ceramah. Satu lagi keunikan Summercamp ini apabila Pok Nik menggunakan pendekatan berkongsi pengalaman yang nyata mengurangkan jurang antara kami peserta dengan beliau. Bagi beliau semuanya harus berlansung dalam fitrah bukan sebaliknya.
Andai saya dapat gambarkan. Saya katakan Summercamp ini umpama satu percutian yang amat menyeronokkan dan pada masa yang sama amat berfaedah.
Umpama satu jawapan yang sudah lama saya nantikan, bagi saya keseluruhan Summercamp menjelaskan saya tentang matlamat.
Manusia ini terdiri daripada 4 komponen: Akal, Jasad, Roh dan Emosi. Jasad merupakan manifestasi yang ditonjolkan kepada orang ramai. Melalui jasad inilah masyarakat melihat tentang siapa diri kita sebenarnya. Segala tindak tanduk jasad ini pula ditentukan oleh samada Akal atau Emosi. Kebiasaannya jika Akal mengemudi maka tindakanya positif manakala jika Emosi maka ada sedikit kacau bilau berlaku. Ketiga-tiga elemen ini pula digerak oleh roh yang terdiri daripada nyawa dan kerohanian. (Pok Nik, Mukadimah 11 Ogos 2006)
3 soalan yang membezakan antara orang Islam dan Jahiliyah:
1. Dari mana kita datang.
2. Untuk apa kita di sini
3. Apa yang berlaku selepas ini.
1.) Dari mana kita datang
Mengetahui asal usul kejadian kita adalah penting kerana pada akhirnya di situ jualah kita akan kembali semula. Tahu tentang asal usul ini juga penting bagi menyedari hakikat yang manusia ini dijadikan asalnya dalam fitrah (suci) maka segala tindak tanduk kita sewajarnya tidak menganggu fitrah ini.
2.) Untuk apa kita di sini.
Ad-Dhariyat ayat ke 56:
وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ
"Dan (ingatlah) Aku tidak menciptakan jin dan manusia melainkan untuk mereka menyembah dan beribadat kepadaKu"
Korelasi daripada perkara sebelum ini maka sesungguhnya manusia ini dijadikan dengan 2 tujuan utama dalam hidupnya:
1. Sebagai hamba Allah
2. Sebagai Khalifah
Hidup tanpa matlamat umpama berjalan di tengah malam tanpa arah tujuan dan lampu penunjuk arah. Selaku umat islam, sewajarnya kita perlu menjadi hidup ini lebih bermakna, kita perlukan sesuatu yang melebihi sekadar makan, minum, bekerja, berkahwin, beranak pinak. Ia perlukan sesuatu yang menjadikan hidup ini lebih bermakna dan bermanfaat.
Hidup tanpa makna apabila manusia memandang enteng tentang tugas mereka sebagai khalifah. Khalifah secara mudah boleh diertikan sebagai;
1. membantu diri menjadi lebih baik
2. membantu orang lain menjadi lebih baik
3. membantu menjadikan dunia ini satu tempat yang lebih baik
Sebagai khalifah di muka dunia ini, kita perlu melakukan apa sahaja yang termampu bagi memastikan ketiga-tiga matlamat itu tercapai dan dengan ini barulah hidup kita terisi.
3.) Apa yang berlaku selepas ini
Jika perkara ini mula dipraktikkan maka lahirlah satu umat terbaik dalam al quran yang menyeru ke arah kebaikan dan mencegah daripada kemungkaran. Barulah muncul satu umat yang seimbang.
Perjuangan kita masih belum selesai selagi Islam masih belum menjadi satu gaya hidup yang paling berpengaruh dalam dunia. Tiada apa yang mustahil sebenarnya, sejarah telah membuktikan betapa satu ketika dahulu, Islam dijadikan rujukan, orang Islam di beri penghormatan tertinggi dan dijadikan kayu ukur dalam semua perkara. Hakikatnya suatu ketika itu, masih tidak jauh dari kita dan ianya punyai tendesi yang besar untuk direalisasikan semula.
Tiada apa yang perlu dimalukan hidup dalam keadaan Islam sedang ditindas kerana jelasnya berjuang pada ketika inilah lebih manis ketika hasil penat jerih itu masih begitu mahal harganya. Ketika inilah usaha itu umpama satu permata yang amat berharga dan rasa sedihnya begitu lain sekali. Kita harus berbangga kerana kita orang terpilih dan bukannya ditinggalkan.
Umpama melihat satu filem hindustan. Heronya hebat pada permulaan, di tindas di tengah-tengah dan menang semula. Satu fitrah yang sebenarnya cuba ditunjukkan bahawa Islam akan menang semula. Janji Allah itu benar dan tiada apa yang harus ditakutkan kerana nyata Islam tetap akan menang pada akhirnya.
Dr. Abdul Latiff (12 Ogos 2006, Bersama PPIM; matlamat dan tujuan)
Kuasa pada suatu wawasan adalah kita sentiasa bermula dengan suatu pengakhiran di dalam minda.
1.Insan biasa berkata tentang orang lain
2.Insan yang lebih baik berkata tentang peristiwa
3.Insan yang terbaik berkata tentang idea dan gagasan.
Dr. Azhar (12 Ogos 2006, pengenalan tentang MERCY)
Maka apabila wawasan itu sudah jelas, kita perlukan sistem, budaya dan akhirnya doa. Kesemuanya harus berlaku serentak, diadunkan sekali dengan sentuhan ambil berat dan kasih sayang sesama anggota kumpulan khususnya dan umat umumnya sehingga akhirnya kita beroleh kebahagiaan.
WAWASAN->SISTEM->BUDAYA->GAYA->DOA
Pok Nik (14 Ogos 2006, Rumusan)
Moga kita bisa tidur dengan impian dan matlamat yang sama. Amin.
Alamak, dah lambat ni. tergocoh-gocoh saya bergegas ke dewan terbuka. Kelihatan di sana sudah ramai peserta-peserta berkumpul. Dalam minda ini sudah mula memikirkan hukuman-hukuman, kalau tidak pun sekurang-kurangnya pasti di malukan.
Tapi aneh sekali sampai sahaja di sana, Pok Nik yang juga merupakan pakar motivasi untuk program ini hanya tersenyum. Sedikit pun tidak terkeluar kata maki hamun dari mulutnya.
Rupa-rupanya memang begitulah gaya beliau, keseluruhan Summercamp ini diuruskan dalam masa yang fleksibel. Diubah mengikut kesesuaian peserta, 'Zero stress' itulah rasa istilah yang rasanya layak digunakan.
Kalau difikirkan ini sudah pelik, tunggu jika anda tahu bagaimana sepanjang Summercamp ini kami sangat banyak tergelak, seolah-olah sedang menonton cerita bukannya mendengar ceramah. Satu lagi keunikan Summercamp ini apabila Pok Nik menggunakan pendekatan berkongsi pengalaman yang nyata mengurangkan jurang antara kami peserta dengan beliau. Bagi beliau semuanya harus berlansung dalam fitrah bukan sebaliknya.
Andai saya dapat gambarkan. Saya katakan Summercamp ini umpama satu percutian yang amat menyeronokkan dan pada masa yang sama amat berfaedah.
Umpama satu jawapan yang sudah lama saya nantikan, bagi saya keseluruhan Summercamp menjelaskan saya tentang matlamat.
Manusia ini terdiri daripada 4 komponen: Akal, Jasad, Roh dan Emosi. Jasad merupakan manifestasi yang ditonjolkan kepada orang ramai. Melalui jasad inilah masyarakat melihat tentang siapa diri kita sebenarnya. Segala tindak tanduk jasad ini pula ditentukan oleh samada Akal atau Emosi. Kebiasaannya jika Akal mengemudi maka tindakanya positif manakala jika Emosi maka ada sedikit kacau bilau berlaku. Ketiga-tiga elemen ini pula digerak oleh roh yang terdiri daripada nyawa dan kerohanian. (Pok Nik, Mukadimah 11 Ogos 2006)
3 soalan yang membezakan antara orang Islam dan Jahiliyah:
1. Dari mana kita datang.
2. Untuk apa kita di sini
3. Apa yang berlaku selepas ini.
1.) Dari mana kita datang
Mengetahui asal usul kejadian kita adalah penting kerana pada akhirnya di situ jualah kita akan kembali semula. Tahu tentang asal usul ini juga penting bagi menyedari hakikat yang manusia ini dijadikan asalnya dalam fitrah (suci) maka segala tindak tanduk kita sewajarnya tidak menganggu fitrah ini.
2.) Untuk apa kita di sini.
Ad-Dhariyat ayat ke 56:
وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ
"Dan (ingatlah) Aku tidak menciptakan jin dan manusia melainkan untuk mereka menyembah dan beribadat kepadaKu"
Korelasi daripada perkara sebelum ini maka sesungguhnya manusia ini dijadikan dengan 2 tujuan utama dalam hidupnya:
1. Sebagai hamba Allah
2. Sebagai Khalifah
Hidup tanpa matlamat umpama berjalan di tengah malam tanpa arah tujuan dan lampu penunjuk arah. Selaku umat islam, sewajarnya kita perlu menjadi hidup ini lebih bermakna, kita perlukan sesuatu yang melebihi sekadar makan, minum, bekerja, berkahwin, beranak pinak. Ia perlukan sesuatu yang menjadikan hidup ini lebih bermakna dan bermanfaat.
Hidup tanpa makna apabila manusia memandang enteng tentang tugas mereka sebagai khalifah. Khalifah secara mudah boleh diertikan sebagai;
1. membantu diri menjadi lebih baik
2. membantu orang lain menjadi lebih baik
3. membantu menjadikan dunia ini satu tempat yang lebih baik
Sebagai khalifah di muka dunia ini, kita perlu melakukan apa sahaja yang termampu bagi memastikan ketiga-tiga matlamat itu tercapai dan dengan ini barulah hidup kita terisi.
3.) Apa yang berlaku selepas ini
Jika perkara ini mula dipraktikkan maka lahirlah satu umat terbaik dalam al quran yang menyeru ke arah kebaikan dan mencegah daripada kemungkaran. Barulah muncul satu umat yang seimbang.
Perjuangan kita masih belum selesai selagi Islam masih belum menjadi satu gaya hidup yang paling berpengaruh dalam dunia. Tiada apa yang mustahil sebenarnya, sejarah telah membuktikan betapa satu ketika dahulu, Islam dijadikan rujukan, orang Islam di beri penghormatan tertinggi dan dijadikan kayu ukur dalam semua perkara. Hakikatnya suatu ketika itu, masih tidak jauh dari kita dan ianya punyai tendesi yang besar untuk direalisasikan semula.
Tiada apa yang perlu dimalukan hidup dalam keadaan Islam sedang ditindas kerana jelasnya berjuang pada ketika inilah lebih manis ketika hasil penat jerih itu masih begitu mahal harganya. Ketika inilah usaha itu umpama satu permata yang amat berharga dan rasa sedihnya begitu lain sekali. Kita harus berbangga kerana kita orang terpilih dan bukannya ditinggalkan.
Umpama melihat satu filem hindustan. Heronya hebat pada permulaan, di tindas di tengah-tengah dan menang semula. Satu fitrah yang sebenarnya cuba ditunjukkan bahawa Islam akan menang semula. Janji Allah itu benar dan tiada apa yang harus ditakutkan kerana nyata Islam tetap akan menang pada akhirnya.
Dr. Abdul Latiff (12 Ogos 2006, Bersama PPIM; matlamat dan tujuan)
Kuasa pada suatu wawasan adalah kita sentiasa bermula dengan suatu pengakhiran di dalam minda.
1.Insan biasa berkata tentang orang lain
2.Insan yang lebih baik berkata tentang peristiwa
3.Insan yang terbaik berkata tentang idea dan gagasan.
Dr. Azhar (12 Ogos 2006, pengenalan tentang MERCY)
Maka apabila wawasan itu sudah jelas, kita perlukan sistem, budaya dan akhirnya doa. Kesemuanya harus berlaku serentak, diadunkan sekali dengan sentuhan ambil berat dan kasih sayang sesama anggota kumpulan khususnya dan umat umumnya sehingga akhirnya kita beroleh kebahagiaan.
WAWASAN->SISTEM->BUDAYA->GAYA->DOA
Pok Nik (14 Ogos 2006, Rumusan)
Moga kita bisa tidur dengan impian dan matlamat yang sama. Amin.
Isnin, Ogos 07, 2006
“Adik kamu tu asyik demam, hampir-hampir mak nak batalkan sahaja rancangan balik kampung ni tapi mengenangkan nenek kamu tu yang sakit dan nak jumpakan kamu juga dengan dia, mak gagahkan jugalah” mak berkata meluahkan perasaaan, tangan kanannya menekan-nekan punat radio, mencari stesen ERA yang sudah berubah frekuensinya di Negeri Sembilan.
“Kena tukar nama agaknya adik kamu tu, nantilah suruh Mak Long kamu angkatkan. Berat sangat agaknya namanya tu, dari kecil demam” cadang ayah tiba-tiba sambil menolong mak mencari.
Keesokan malamnya di rumah Mak Long…
*Perbualan seterusnya adalah dalam bahasa Banjar yang saya terjemahkan untuk kemudahan semua.
“Ada sekali Mak Long petang tadi terfikir nama perempuan petang tadi waktu tengah sibuk-sibuk membasuh kain” kata Mak Long memulakan cerita.
“Jadi apa yang dinamakan ni?” Tanya Pak Long.
“Entahlah abang Ijam, Nina ni asyik demam saja dari kecil. Kami nak tukarkan nama mana bolehkan? Abang dengan kakak sahajalah yang angkatkan”
“Erm, Nur Suhada nak tak?”
Adik mengeleng-gelengkan kepala.
“Susah juga nak tukarkan nama kalau dah besar ni ya? Bayinya dah boleh bercakap” Ayah berkata.
Satu rumah ketawa sakan termasuk adik walau dalam keadaannya yang lemah itu.
“Nurul Suhada nak?”Tanya Mak Long sekali lagi.
Adik diam. Bolehlah tu rasanya.
“Bismillahirahmannirahim…”mulut Pak Long terkumat kamit membaca potongan ayat quran.
“Maka anak ini dinamakan dengan Nurul Suhada” kata Pak Long sambil Mak Long menyapu ubun-ubun rambut dengan minyak kelapa atau minyak tunggul tangga katanya.
“Lepas ni tak panggil nama Aina dah, tukar nama jadi Suhada ya” kata mak sambil mengusap-usap belakang adik yang sudah pun berpeluh, tanda-tanda baik hendak sembuh demam.
“Selebihnya kita tawakal pada Allah sahajalah ya”
Komentar: Sekadar sedikit pendedahan tentang tradisi dan adat keluarga ayah saya yang berlatar belakangkan Kaum Banjar. Dalam Keluarga kami, sudah menjdai kebiasaan untuk seseorang mempunyai dua nama. Ayah saya sendiri dikalangan keluarga dikenali sebagai Fadil sedangkan nama sebenarnya Khairie. Sepupu kami ditukar nama kepada Abdul Khatami daripada Shamsul Hadi. Malahan saya sendiri dikenali sebagai nama Azhar dikalangan keluarga berbanding Fadli.
Kebanyakannya ditukar atas sebab kesihatan. Macam dalam kes saya, mengikut kata mak dan ayah nama saya ditukar oleh arwah atuk dan makcik saya kerana sewaktu kecil badan saya penuh berkudis, selalu sahaja demam dan asyik demam sahaja.
Selalunya nama ini ditukar sewaktu kecil, cuma adik saya ini agak lambat sedikit. Dahulu waktu kecil ada juga penjaga adik saya, saudara kami yang juga berbangsa Banjar menyarankan agar ditukar namanya tapi mak sekadar mendengar sahaja. Fikirnya cuma demam biasa sahaja.
Kini keluarga kami sedang membiasakan diri memanggik adik dengan nama Suhada. Kekok tapi kami ikutkan juga. Berkali-kali tersasul tapi digagahkan juga.
Nota: Sampai kini, banyak lagi saudara saya tidak tahu yang nama sebenar saya Mohamad Fadli, ramai ingatkan Mohamad Azhar. Hihi…
“Kena tukar nama agaknya adik kamu tu, nantilah suruh Mak Long kamu angkatkan. Berat sangat agaknya namanya tu, dari kecil demam” cadang ayah tiba-tiba sambil menolong mak mencari.
Keesokan malamnya di rumah Mak Long…
*Perbualan seterusnya adalah dalam bahasa Banjar yang saya terjemahkan untuk kemudahan semua.
“Ada sekali Mak Long petang tadi terfikir nama perempuan petang tadi waktu tengah sibuk-sibuk membasuh kain” kata Mak Long memulakan cerita.
“Jadi apa yang dinamakan ni?” Tanya Pak Long.
“Entahlah abang Ijam, Nina ni asyik demam saja dari kecil. Kami nak tukarkan nama mana bolehkan? Abang dengan kakak sahajalah yang angkatkan”
“Erm, Nur Suhada nak tak?”
Adik mengeleng-gelengkan kepala.
“Susah juga nak tukarkan nama kalau dah besar ni ya? Bayinya dah boleh bercakap” Ayah berkata.
Satu rumah ketawa sakan termasuk adik walau dalam keadaannya yang lemah itu.
“Nurul Suhada nak?”Tanya Mak Long sekali lagi.
Adik diam. Bolehlah tu rasanya.
“Bismillahirahmannirahim…”mulut Pak Long terkumat kamit membaca potongan ayat quran.
“Maka anak ini dinamakan dengan Nurul Suhada” kata Pak Long sambil Mak Long menyapu ubun-ubun rambut dengan minyak kelapa atau minyak tunggul tangga katanya.
“Lepas ni tak panggil nama Aina dah, tukar nama jadi Suhada ya” kata mak sambil mengusap-usap belakang adik yang sudah pun berpeluh, tanda-tanda baik hendak sembuh demam.
“Selebihnya kita tawakal pada Allah sahajalah ya”
Komentar: Sekadar sedikit pendedahan tentang tradisi dan adat keluarga ayah saya yang berlatar belakangkan Kaum Banjar. Dalam Keluarga kami, sudah menjdai kebiasaan untuk seseorang mempunyai dua nama. Ayah saya sendiri dikalangan keluarga dikenali sebagai Fadil sedangkan nama sebenarnya Khairie. Sepupu kami ditukar nama kepada Abdul Khatami daripada Shamsul Hadi. Malahan saya sendiri dikenali sebagai nama Azhar dikalangan keluarga berbanding Fadli.
Kebanyakannya ditukar atas sebab kesihatan. Macam dalam kes saya, mengikut kata mak dan ayah nama saya ditukar oleh arwah atuk dan makcik saya kerana sewaktu kecil badan saya penuh berkudis, selalu sahaja demam dan asyik demam sahaja.
Selalunya nama ini ditukar sewaktu kecil, cuma adik saya ini agak lambat sedikit. Dahulu waktu kecil ada juga penjaga adik saya, saudara kami yang juga berbangsa Banjar menyarankan agar ditukar namanya tapi mak sekadar mendengar sahaja. Fikirnya cuma demam biasa sahaja.
Kini keluarga kami sedang membiasakan diri memanggik adik dengan nama Suhada. Kekok tapi kami ikutkan juga. Berkali-kali tersasul tapi digagahkan juga.
Nota: Sampai kini, banyak lagi saudara saya tidak tahu yang nama sebenar saya Mohamad Fadli, ramai ingatkan Mohamad Azhar. Hihi…
Hadiah ini tanda...
Sudah beberapa hari ini, saya tidak biasa duduk diam. Ada saja yang nak dibuat, bukannya rajin sangat nak keluar. Tapi sekali dah keluar tu, banyak juga barang di beli. Semuanya untuk kerja-kerja gila di rumah bagi mengisi masa yang terlalu banyak terluangnya.
Kali ini saya membungkus hadiah:
1.) Kotak kecil mengandungi hadiah ini dibalut dengan kertas pembalut yang agak sedikit kasar teksturnya. Ditambah seri dengan reben berwarna merah.
2.) Oleh sebab kotaknya kecil dan kertas pembalut masih banyak, maka yang selebihnya dipotongnya dipotong menjadi jalur-jalur kertas kecil dan ditabur disekeliling hadiah supaya nampak ekslusifnya.
3.) Kemudian, untuk tampak elegan Kotak besar ini, dibalut pula dengan kertas biru gelap.
4.) Dan oleh sebab orangnya tidak dapat ditemui maka dibalut sekali lagi dengan kertas putih, sedia untuk dihantar menggunakan pos laju. Di jamin sampai esok!!(sebenarnya terlupa beli kertas ‘mahjong’ maka memohon belas ihsan kakak untuk kertas-kertas A4, 12 kertas A4 terpakai digunakan untuk kerja-kerja membalut ini)
*semua kerja lekat,melekat menggunakan ‘double sided tape’ supaya tampak kemas dan bermakna.
“Erm ambik macam gambar macam ni elok rasanya” kata saya sendirian.
“Lah kenapa diambil atas meja coklat, mari sini ayah tunjukkan. Hamparkan alas meja ni, letak pulak bunga ni. Ha! Baru nampak seri. Jangan belakangkan cahaya nanti gambar gelap” Ayah yang entah dari mana tiba-tiba mengajar.
“Lah kat sini rupanya anak beranak, eh awak ni diikutkan pula perangai jiwang anak awak yang bosan tu. Dah, mari makan” Mak mencelah dari belakang sambil menunjukkan muka pelik.
“Abang bukannya jiwang, saja mengajar anak teknik-teknik mengambil gambar. Kan saya ‘terer’ benda-benda ni”
“Erm kalau buat macam tu elok juga, dah sepuluh tahun tak nampak abah buat benda-benda macam tu kat mak”
Hahaha! Sayatergelak dalam hati. Di luar hanya tersenyum lebar.
Kali ini saya membungkus hadiah:
1.) Kotak kecil mengandungi hadiah ini dibalut dengan kertas pembalut yang agak sedikit kasar teksturnya. Ditambah seri dengan reben berwarna merah.
2.) Oleh sebab kotaknya kecil dan kertas pembalut masih banyak, maka yang selebihnya dipotongnya dipotong menjadi jalur-jalur kertas kecil dan ditabur disekeliling hadiah supaya nampak ekslusifnya.
3.) Kemudian, untuk tampak elegan Kotak besar ini, dibalut pula dengan kertas biru gelap.
4.) Dan oleh sebab orangnya tidak dapat ditemui maka dibalut sekali lagi dengan kertas putih, sedia untuk dihantar menggunakan pos laju. Di jamin sampai esok!!(sebenarnya terlupa beli kertas ‘mahjong’ maka memohon belas ihsan kakak untuk kertas-kertas A4, 12 kertas A4 terpakai digunakan untuk kerja-kerja membalut ini)
*semua kerja lekat,melekat menggunakan ‘double sided tape’ supaya tampak kemas dan bermakna.
“Erm ambik macam gambar macam ni elok rasanya” kata saya sendirian.
“Lah kenapa diambil atas meja coklat, mari sini ayah tunjukkan. Hamparkan alas meja ni, letak pulak bunga ni. Ha! Baru nampak seri. Jangan belakangkan cahaya nanti gambar gelap” Ayah yang entah dari mana tiba-tiba mengajar.
“Lah kat sini rupanya anak beranak, eh awak ni diikutkan pula perangai jiwang anak awak yang bosan tu. Dah, mari makan” Mak mencelah dari belakang sambil menunjukkan muka pelik.
“Abang bukannya jiwang, saja mengajar anak teknik-teknik mengambil gambar. Kan saya ‘terer’ benda-benda ni”
“Erm kalau buat macam tu elok juga, dah sepuluh tahun tak nampak abah buat benda-benda macam tu kat mak”
Hahaha! Sayatergelak dalam hati. Di luar hanya tersenyum lebar.
Isnin, Julai 03, 2006
Secukup Rasa Garam
Ku biarkan pandangan di lontar jauh kedepan. Ku letakkannya terus pada tugu Mat Rodina di bukit Mamaev Kurgan. Tugu yang menjadi lambang semangat pahlawan-pahlawan tempatan mempertahankan Stalingrad itu ku tenung lama-lama. Bagiku tiada apa yang menarik di sana, tugu itu telah pun ku tatap hampir setiap hari di sini. Namun, mungkin hatiku yang kosong menyebabkan diri ini tak tergerak untuk melakukan apa-apa.
Angin bertiup kuat dari tepi. Kelihatan lopak-lopak air berkumpul di atas permukaan jalan. Langit kekal redup,masih ada lagi baki-baki awan gelap berat di sana. Ketika itu, matahari nyata segan memunculkan diri.
Aku peluk tubuhku erat-erat. Aku biarkan sahaja bayu dingin mencucuk sampai ke tulang, nyaman rasanya cuaca sebegini. Tidak sejuk tidak panas, sedang-sedang dengan kehendak dan keselesaanku.
Perlahan-perlahan aku menarik nafas sedalam-dalamnya. Kedua-dua belah mataku dibiarkan terpejam. Angin bertiup lagi. Kali ini lembut belaiannya menyebabkan fikiranku melayang. Mengenang perkara beberapa hari lepas.
****
15 Jun 2006 (2 minggu sebelum peperiksaan Biokimia)
"Helmi!"jeritku dari jauh.
Helmi memandang kebelakang. Hafizuddin dan Safwan disebelahnya menghentikan langkah mereka. Ketiga-tiga mereka tersenyum melihat aku berlari-lari anak menuruni tangga.
Mesti ada berita gembira, detikku sendiri.
"Macam dengan Path Physio?" tanyaku ringkas tentang markah mereka untuk peperiksaan Pathological Physiology.
"4 je" jawab Helmi bersahaja.
"4?Safwan? yang lain" tanyaku mendapatkan kepastian.
Mereka hanya membalas dengan senyuman. Namun senyuman mereka bagaikan kurang sesuatu, bagaikan cuba dibuat-buat.
Dus!Aku seperti tidak percaya. Sewajarnya markah lima yang merupakan markah tertinggi untuk setiap kali peperiksaan ini bukanlah mustahil untuk mereka-mereka ini. Rajin, bijak, apa lagi yang diperlukan, cukup ciri-ciri seorang pelajar cemerlang.
"Tipulah" aku lontarkan akhirnya rasa di hati.
"La, betullah. Kitaorang dapat 4"
******
20 Jun 2006 (1 minggu sebelum peperiksaan Biokimia)
Aku ikutkan sahaja lirik mataku memandang bait-bait ayat di dalam buku teks Biochemistry tersebut. Satu-satu perkataan ku sebut di dalam hati. Tidak puas kali pertama, aku ulang dan ulang lagi. Tapi pelik, ayat-ayat tersebut pergi dan datang begitu sahaja tanpa ada satu pun melekat di otak ini.
"Aku tak rasalah yang aku nak dapatkan 5 untuk exam Biochem ni" akhirnya aku suarakan juga apa yang terbuku di jiwa.
"Kenapa?"
"Ya lah, nak buat apa dapat 5. Apalah yang ada dengan markah tu?"
"Dapatkan lah 5, nanti boleh jadi *otlichnik btaroi stepen pula tu"
Aku terdiam, di dalam minda masih lagi ligat memikirkan apa yang diperkatakan.
"Tak naklah nanti kalau dapat hadiah pun, aku seorang bukan dengan yang lain-lain"
Tanpa disangka perkataan tersebut keluar dari mulutku. Aku terus berlalu pergi. Buku teks Biochem setebal satu penumbuk manusia itu aku biarkan bergelimpangan di atas katil bersama-sama menyertai nota-nota pelajaran yang lain.
Pada saat itu, aku dapat rasakan yang aku hilang pendorong, hilang kekuatan. Lantas aku tekadkan diri, biarlah aku belajar mana yang mampu. Tenang, perlahan-lahan.
Biarlah orang lain mengejar 5 itu. Bagiku tidak terdetik sedikit pun keinginan untuk merebutnya.
*****
30 Jun 2006 (Hari berlansungnya peperiksaan Biokimia)
Aku mengeletar duduk di atas kerusi. Mendengar namaku di panggil sejak awal lagi sudah cukup membuatkan aku gementar seluruh badan. Lebih-lebih lagi kalau yang memanggil itu Alexandra, pensyarah biokimia yang terkenal dengan kedahsyatannya ketika peperiksaan.
Namun, berhadapan dengan sistem peperiksaan di Russia ini yang mahukan pelajar menjawab soalan secara lisan memerlukan aku kekal yakin. Aku belek isi-isi penting kepada 3 soalan yang ku tulis 20 minit yang lalu. Ada beberapa lompang-lompang yang nyata terutama struktur hormon steroid yang banyak aku ragui.
"Begin answering your first question" katanya tegas menyebabkan aku tersentak daripada lamunan.
"Well, as we know protein structure can be divided primary, secondary and tertiary structure. What I am going to explain here is about the secondary and tertiary structure of the protein..."terangku kepada soalan pertama mengenai struktur sekunder dan tertier protein.
"Secondary structure can be found in two type; alpha helix and beta sheet. In this structure we can find the hydrogen bond type of interaction between the amino acid residues. While in the tertiary structure, the bond that responsible for this conformation is the non covalent bond between the amino acid side chain..."
Tiba-tiba peneranganku dipintas. "What is the different between the hydrogen bond in the secondary structure and in the tertiary structure?"
Aku tersenyum di dalam hati. Nasib baik soalannya mudah.
"The hydrogen bond in the secondary structure is between the aminoacid residue while in the tertiary structure, it is between the amino acid side chain."Balasku dengan penuh yakin.
Akan tetapi, lain pula respon yang aku terima. Alexandra hanya mengeleng-gelengkan kepalanya.
"The hydrogen bond in the secondary structure is between amino acid residues while the hydrogen bond in tertiary structure is between the amino acid radical"katanya.
Aku kehairanan sendiri. Apa bezanya radical dengan side chain. Bukankah kedua-duanya seerti. Namun belum sempat pun aku membuka mulut, markah 4 untuk soalan telah pun ditulis di atas kertas. Aku mengeluh sendiri di dalam hati. Tidak mengapalah, orang Russia, lagipun ada 2 soalan lagi.
Soalan kedua tentang sintesis DNA dan kepentingan Folic Acid beserta dengan inhibitor dalam perubatan berjalan dengan lancar. Manakala untuk soalan ketiga mimpi ngeri ku tiba apa Alexandra bertanya tentang struktur Hormon Glucosteroid.
Habis sahaja soalan ketiga, aku sudah mula menyangkakan sesuatu yang buruk akan berlaku. Ternyata sangkaanku benar.
"It seems to me, I can only give you 4"
Keputusan tersebut memang dijangka. Entah mengapa hatiku memberontak, seperti tidak mahu menerima keputusan. Tidak adil, bisikku sendiri. Memberikanku markah yang tidak sepatutnya hanya kerana kesalahan kecil.
"No, I want to get 5! Ask me anything! Give me additional question (I can prove that I am worth of 5)"
Mataku bertentangan dengan mata Alexandra. Ku lihat matanya memandangkan dengan seribu satu pengertian umpama singa menunggu untuk memakan mangsanya. Jarinya memegang pen erat-erat. Sebelah tangan yang lain bagaikan digenggam kemas-kemas bagai ada kegeraman yang tidak terurai.
10 minit kemudian memperlihatkan aku menepis-nepis serangan yang diberikan. Aku jawab soalan-soalan tambahan yang datangnya bertubi-tubi bagaikan tiada henti. Semua pelajar-pelajar lain di dewan mula melihat pertarungan yang hebat di depan mereka.
"Ok, this is my last question. I you can answer this question I give you 5."
Hatiku berdebar-debar. Umpama menunggu saoalan hidup dan mati. Dahiku sudah pun mula berpeluh-peluh ditambah lagi cahaya pagi yang menyinar terus ke arah ku.
Akhirnya Alexandra membuka mulut.
"Tell me what is Vitamin resistance state?"
Vitamin resistance state? Aku bertanya pada diriku sendiri. Aku sendiri kurang jelas apa yang diperkatakan.
Aku bertanya untuk mendapat kepastian "Is it vitaminosis?"
"No!" jawapnya tegas.
"The patient have the normal value of vitamin in blood but they show symptoms of vitaminosis, why?"
Terasa seperti nafas ditahan separuh. Terasa bagai hilang seluruh kekuatan . Mujur Alexandra belum menulis apa-apa lagi. Pelajar-pelajar lain mula mendengar dengan penuh minat, mungkin soalan ini baru untuk mereka menyebakan mereka terasa ingin tahu jawapannya atau mungkin juga mereka sudah lama tahu jawapan kepada teka-teki ini, sengaja ingin melihat bagaimana aku menguruskan saat-saat genting ini.
Setelah berkira-kira. Dengan semua maklumat dan bayangan yang diberikan, aku memberikan jawapanku yang terakhir. Aku dapat rasa yang aku menutup mataku ketika itu, menundukkan kepala ke bawah. Takut sekali menerima penolakan yang rasa punyai kebarangkalian yang amat tinggi.
"I think it is because the vitamin can't be converted into its active form"
1 saat berlalu.
2 saat berlalu. Lama pula terasa.
"I give you 5"
Aku bagaikan ingin menangis, aku tarik senyuman selebar-lebarnya. Aku bangun terus, ingin sekali untuk melompat. Ingin ku peluk sesiapa yang ada berdekatan. Alexandra berlalu terus tanpa mengatakan apa-apa kepadaku.
*****
Kembali semula ke koridor (1 Julai 20060satu hari selepas peperiksaan Biokimia)
Hari-hari berlalu menyebabkan aku banyak berfikir. Aku terasa bagaikan keliru dengan diri sendiri. Aku tidak tahu mengapa, semua dirasakan sonsang. Prinsipku tidak ambil kisah dengan markah untuk peperiksaan kali ini tenyata berbeza dengan apa yang aku lakukan.
Kataku tidak inginkan 5, tapi kenapa pula meminta soalan tambahan. Kenapa tidak diterima sahaja markah 4 yang Alexandra berikan? marahku kepada diri sendiri.
Apalah yang aku inginkan sebenarnya. Apakah berbeza prinsip dan kehendak. Tetapi sebelum ini, aku sudah sangat yakin yang minatku tiada lagi, seluruh badan sudah bersetuju. Namun, lain pula yang berlaku akhirnya. Bagaikan dua insan berbeza menghuni dalam satu badan yang sama.
"Fadli tolong rasakan sup sayur ini" sahut Hafizudin dari dalam dapur. Lamunanku tersentak. Aku memandang kebelakang, padat sungguh perkarangam dapur umum kami dengan semua orang yang bersedia untuk jamuan ahli-ahli 'floor' malam ini.
Aku tersenyum lantas bergegas masuk meninggalkan balkoni. Senduk yang sudah pun terisi dengan sedikit sup sayur, aku capai daripada tangan Hafizudin. Perlahan-lahan aku hirup sedikit air di dalamnya.
"Erm, kurang garam sedikit rasanya"kataku sambil memberikan semula senduk kepadanya.
"Nak letak berapa banyak lagi?"tanya Hafizuddin
"Secukup rasa"balasku ringkas.
Jawapanku membuatkan aku berfikir sendiri. Mungkinkah persoalanku tadi sama seperti persoalan garam ini. Tidak ada yang objektif, secukup rasa bergantung kepada pemasaknya, yang merasanya sendiri. Berapakah cukup adalah cukup. Entahlah mungkin cukup itu adalah cukup. Aku menghelakan nafas, tanpaku sedari aku tergelak sendiri.
"Kenapa Fadli?"tanya Hafizuddin kehairanan.
"Tidak ada apa-apa, Tak penting pun. sudah jumpa garam?"balasku.
"Belum" lalu Hafizuddin meninggalkanku terus mengacau sup sayur sambil dia mencari-cari garam di rak dapur.
Angin diluar bertiup lagi. Sepoi-sepoi bahasa, nyaman dan segar bertukar dengan haba panas masakan kami didapur. 4 hari lagi sebelum balik ke Malaysia. Sepatutnya aku gembira. Ya Allah terima kasih atas segalanya. Aku percaya semua berlaku atas hikmahnya sendiri.
Angin bertiup kuat dari tepi. Kelihatan lopak-lopak air berkumpul di atas permukaan jalan. Langit kekal redup,masih ada lagi baki-baki awan gelap berat di sana. Ketika itu, matahari nyata segan memunculkan diri.
Aku peluk tubuhku erat-erat. Aku biarkan sahaja bayu dingin mencucuk sampai ke tulang, nyaman rasanya cuaca sebegini. Tidak sejuk tidak panas, sedang-sedang dengan kehendak dan keselesaanku.
Perlahan-perlahan aku menarik nafas sedalam-dalamnya. Kedua-dua belah mataku dibiarkan terpejam. Angin bertiup lagi. Kali ini lembut belaiannya menyebabkan fikiranku melayang. Mengenang perkara beberapa hari lepas.
****
15 Jun 2006 (2 minggu sebelum peperiksaan Biokimia)
"Helmi!"jeritku dari jauh.
Helmi memandang kebelakang. Hafizuddin dan Safwan disebelahnya menghentikan langkah mereka. Ketiga-tiga mereka tersenyum melihat aku berlari-lari anak menuruni tangga.
Mesti ada berita gembira, detikku sendiri.
"Macam dengan Path Physio?" tanyaku ringkas tentang markah mereka untuk peperiksaan Pathological Physiology.
"4 je" jawab Helmi bersahaja.
"4?Safwan? yang lain" tanyaku mendapatkan kepastian.
Mereka hanya membalas dengan senyuman. Namun senyuman mereka bagaikan kurang sesuatu, bagaikan cuba dibuat-buat.
Dus!Aku seperti tidak percaya. Sewajarnya markah lima yang merupakan markah tertinggi untuk setiap kali peperiksaan ini bukanlah mustahil untuk mereka-mereka ini. Rajin, bijak, apa lagi yang diperlukan, cukup ciri-ciri seorang pelajar cemerlang.
"Tipulah" aku lontarkan akhirnya rasa di hati.
"La, betullah. Kitaorang dapat 4"
******
20 Jun 2006 (1 minggu sebelum peperiksaan Biokimia)
Aku ikutkan sahaja lirik mataku memandang bait-bait ayat di dalam buku teks Biochemistry tersebut. Satu-satu perkataan ku sebut di dalam hati. Tidak puas kali pertama, aku ulang dan ulang lagi. Tapi pelik, ayat-ayat tersebut pergi dan datang begitu sahaja tanpa ada satu pun melekat di otak ini.
"Aku tak rasalah yang aku nak dapatkan 5 untuk exam Biochem ni" akhirnya aku suarakan juga apa yang terbuku di jiwa.
"Kenapa?"
"Ya lah, nak buat apa dapat 5. Apalah yang ada dengan markah tu?"
"Dapatkan lah 5, nanti boleh jadi *otlichnik btaroi stepen pula tu"
Aku terdiam, di dalam minda masih lagi ligat memikirkan apa yang diperkatakan.
"Tak naklah nanti kalau dapat hadiah pun, aku seorang bukan dengan yang lain-lain"
Tanpa disangka perkataan tersebut keluar dari mulutku. Aku terus berlalu pergi. Buku teks Biochem setebal satu penumbuk manusia itu aku biarkan bergelimpangan di atas katil bersama-sama menyertai nota-nota pelajaran yang lain.
Pada saat itu, aku dapat rasakan yang aku hilang pendorong, hilang kekuatan. Lantas aku tekadkan diri, biarlah aku belajar mana yang mampu. Tenang, perlahan-lahan.
Biarlah orang lain mengejar 5 itu. Bagiku tidak terdetik sedikit pun keinginan untuk merebutnya.
*****
30 Jun 2006 (Hari berlansungnya peperiksaan Biokimia)
Aku mengeletar duduk di atas kerusi. Mendengar namaku di panggil sejak awal lagi sudah cukup membuatkan aku gementar seluruh badan. Lebih-lebih lagi kalau yang memanggil itu Alexandra, pensyarah biokimia yang terkenal dengan kedahsyatannya ketika peperiksaan.
Namun, berhadapan dengan sistem peperiksaan di Russia ini yang mahukan pelajar menjawab soalan secara lisan memerlukan aku kekal yakin. Aku belek isi-isi penting kepada 3 soalan yang ku tulis 20 minit yang lalu. Ada beberapa lompang-lompang yang nyata terutama struktur hormon steroid yang banyak aku ragui.
"Begin answering your first question" katanya tegas menyebabkan aku tersentak daripada lamunan.
"Well, as we know protein structure can be divided primary, secondary and tertiary structure. What I am going to explain here is about the secondary and tertiary structure of the protein..."terangku kepada soalan pertama mengenai struktur sekunder dan tertier protein.
"Secondary structure can be found in two type; alpha helix and beta sheet. In this structure we can find the hydrogen bond type of interaction between the amino acid residues. While in the tertiary structure, the bond that responsible for this conformation is the non covalent bond between the amino acid side chain..."
Tiba-tiba peneranganku dipintas. "What is the different between the hydrogen bond in the secondary structure and in the tertiary structure?"
Aku tersenyum di dalam hati. Nasib baik soalannya mudah.
"The hydrogen bond in the secondary structure is between the aminoacid residue while in the tertiary structure, it is between the amino acid side chain."Balasku dengan penuh yakin.
Akan tetapi, lain pula respon yang aku terima. Alexandra hanya mengeleng-gelengkan kepalanya.
"The hydrogen bond in the secondary structure is between amino acid residues while the hydrogen bond in tertiary structure is between the amino acid radical"katanya.
Aku kehairanan sendiri. Apa bezanya radical dengan side chain. Bukankah kedua-duanya seerti. Namun belum sempat pun aku membuka mulut, markah 4 untuk soalan telah pun ditulis di atas kertas. Aku mengeluh sendiri di dalam hati. Tidak mengapalah, orang Russia, lagipun ada 2 soalan lagi.
Soalan kedua tentang sintesis DNA dan kepentingan Folic Acid beserta dengan inhibitor dalam perubatan berjalan dengan lancar. Manakala untuk soalan ketiga mimpi ngeri ku tiba apa Alexandra bertanya tentang struktur Hormon Glucosteroid.
Habis sahaja soalan ketiga, aku sudah mula menyangkakan sesuatu yang buruk akan berlaku. Ternyata sangkaanku benar.
"It seems to me, I can only give you 4"
Keputusan tersebut memang dijangka. Entah mengapa hatiku memberontak, seperti tidak mahu menerima keputusan. Tidak adil, bisikku sendiri. Memberikanku markah yang tidak sepatutnya hanya kerana kesalahan kecil.
"No, I want to get 5! Ask me anything! Give me additional question (I can prove that I am worth of 5)"
Mataku bertentangan dengan mata Alexandra. Ku lihat matanya memandangkan dengan seribu satu pengertian umpama singa menunggu untuk memakan mangsanya. Jarinya memegang pen erat-erat. Sebelah tangan yang lain bagaikan digenggam kemas-kemas bagai ada kegeraman yang tidak terurai.
10 minit kemudian memperlihatkan aku menepis-nepis serangan yang diberikan. Aku jawab soalan-soalan tambahan yang datangnya bertubi-tubi bagaikan tiada henti. Semua pelajar-pelajar lain di dewan mula melihat pertarungan yang hebat di depan mereka.
"Ok, this is my last question. I you can answer this question I give you 5."
Hatiku berdebar-debar. Umpama menunggu saoalan hidup dan mati. Dahiku sudah pun mula berpeluh-peluh ditambah lagi cahaya pagi yang menyinar terus ke arah ku.
Akhirnya Alexandra membuka mulut.
"Tell me what is Vitamin resistance state?"
Vitamin resistance state? Aku bertanya pada diriku sendiri. Aku sendiri kurang jelas apa yang diperkatakan.
Aku bertanya untuk mendapat kepastian "Is it vitaminosis?"
"No!" jawapnya tegas.
"The patient have the normal value of vitamin in blood but they show symptoms of vitaminosis, why?"
Terasa seperti nafas ditahan separuh. Terasa bagai hilang seluruh kekuatan . Mujur Alexandra belum menulis apa-apa lagi. Pelajar-pelajar lain mula mendengar dengan penuh minat, mungkin soalan ini baru untuk mereka menyebakan mereka terasa ingin tahu jawapannya atau mungkin juga mereka sudah lama tahu jawapan kepada teka-teki ini, sengaja ingin melihat bagaimana aku menguruskan saat-saat genting ini.
Setelah berkira-kira. Dengan semua maklumat dan bayangan yang diberikan, aku memberikan jawapanku yang terakhir. Aku dapat rasa yang aku menutup mataku ketika itu, menundukkan kepala ke bawah. Takut sekali menerima penolakan yang rasa punyai kebarangkalian yang amat tinggi.
"I think it is because the vitamin can't be converted into its active form"
1 saat berlalu.
2 saat berlalu. Lama pula terasa.
"I give you 5"
Aku bagaikan ingin menangis, aku tarik senyuman selebar-lebarnya. Aku bangun terus, ingin sekali untuk melompat. Ingin ku peluk sesiapa yang ada berdekatan. Alexandra berlalu terus tanpa mengatakan apa-apa kepadaku.
*****
Kembali semula ke koridor (1 Julai 20060satu hari selepas peperiksaan Biokimia)
Hari-hari berlalu menyebabkan aku banyak berfikir. Aku terasa bagaikan keliru dengan diri sendiri. Aku tidak tahu mengapa, semua dirasakan sonsang. Prinsipku tidak ambil kisah dengan markah untuk peperiksaan kali ini tenyata berbeza dengan apa yang aku lakukan.
Kataku tidak inginkan 5, tapi kenapa pula meminta soalan tambahan. Kenapa tidak diterima sahaja markah 4 yang Alexandra berikan? marahku kepada diri sendiri.
Apalah yang aku inginkan sebenarnya. Apakah berbeza prinsip dan kehendak. Tetapi sebelum ini, aku sudah sangat yakin yang minatku tiada lagi, seluruh badan sudah bersetuju. Namun, lain pula yang berlaku akhirnya. Bagaikan dua insan berbeza menghuni dalam satu badan yang sama.
"Fadli tolong rasakan sup sayur ini" sahut Hafizudin dari dalam dapur. Lamunanku tersentak. Aku memandang kebelakang, padat sungguh perkarangam dapur umum kami dengan semua orang yang bersedia untuk jamuan ahli-ahli 'floor' malam ini.
Aku tersenyum lantas bergegas masuk meninggalkan balkoni. Senduk yang sudah pun terisi dengan sedikit sup sayur, aku capai daripada tangan Hafizudin. Perlahan-lahan aku hirup sedikit air di dalamnya.
"Erm, kurang garam sedikit rasanya"kataku sambil memberikan semula senduk kepadanya.
"Nak letak berapa banyak lagi?"tanya Hafizuddin
"Secukup rasa"balasku ringkas.
Jawapanku membuatkan aku berfikir sendiri. Mungkinkah persoalanku tadi sama seperti persoalan garam ini. Tidak ada yang objektif, secukup rasa bergantung kepada pemasaknya, yang merasanya sendiri. Berapakah cukup adalah cukup. Entahlah mungkin cukup itu adalah cukup. Aku menghelakan nafas, tanpaku sedari aku tergelak sendiri.
"Kenapa Fadli?"tanya Hafizuddin kehairanan.
"Tidak ada apa-apa, Tak penting pun. sudah jumpa garam?"balasku.
"Belum" lalu Hafizuddin meninggalkanku terus mengacau sup sayur sambil dia mencari-cari garam di rak dapur.
Angin diluar bertiup lagi. Sepoi-sepoi bahasa, nyaman dan segar bertukar dengan haba panas masakan kami didapur. 4 hari lagi sebelum balik ke Malaysia. Sepatutnya aku gembira. Ya Allah terima kasih atas segalanya. Aku percaya semua berlaku atas hikmahnya sendiri.
Selasa, Mei 16, 2006
Fighter...
Life is about plan. We always get ourselves into planning. Ok maybe we're not always plan our life but still at least we have to think about it.
Take a very simple example. Everyday we wake up in the morning and like it or not, we have already involve in this process of planning or thinking. We plan what we're going to have for our breakfast. Maybe a toast with peanut butter on it or maybe a bowl of cereal with fresh low fat milk along with a delicious hot chocolate.
But then, again life is full of suprise. Imagine suddenly, you open the cupboard and realize the food that you want are not there. Surely, this thing does not really matter, but imagine yourselves handling a bigger thing, a more crucial and more important thing. Doesn't it bother you?
Then always,I often see myself saying "Maybe this things happens for a reason"
People tend say life is like a wheel. At one moment you are at the top and then at another time you are at the bottom. The problem is about the transition; it is often too short. Without you even realize the world turn around. One minute you are standing firmly on the ground and then you fall.
It would be nice if we can see it coming. I like to know when I can get ready. As far as I'm concern I love to be in know. I have to be in know. I need to be in know! Whoever say that things that you don't know doesn't hurt you is a complete moron. Because for most of things that had been happened around me, not knowing is the worst feeling ever.
Am I rambling? Yes I think I am rambling. But what I try to say is: Try to put yourself into becoming an organizer. If not for an event for an organization, maybe simply for your life. It just like holding an eel. Just when you think you can make a decent, yummy dish from it, it slips through your finger. Even worse it stung you with its sting and left you trembling with pain and agony. Not to forget the undesriceable feeling of regret that you can't have it anymore. It hurt, it really does hurt.
That what life is; it is full of pain. There's been a lot of pain. Pain that we anesthetize it, embrace it, deny it, ignore it or fight through the hell out of it. But up to a point, you have to ride the pain because the fact is you can't outrun from it as life always makes more.
But still we can't forget or at least hope that there is always a silver lining over the horror black cloud. Yes,everybody does has good times and bad times. Hard times and easy times. Besides, if not because these hard times the good times or even the best times wouldn't seemed that good or that best.
In the end I always like to say that for we are planning but Allah (The God) is the greatest planner. Maybe gratitude is not about happiness. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it's it is and admire the struggle it takes to be a simply human. Life is journey, it is short and this is surely not our final destination. At the end the fact that we still standing is reason enough to celebrate.
P/s: thank you for people that make the 'Malam BBQ and Sukeneka' wonderful and nice.'Malam BBQ and Sukeneka' .
Don't miss understand this article does have nothing to do with it.
Also Happy Birthday to Khairul aka mozac aka legen. Lets fight our life to the fullest!Ya!
Take a very simple example. Everyday we wake up in the morning and like it or not, we have already involve in this process of planning or thinking. We plan what we're going to have for our breakfast. Maybe a toast with peanut butter on it or maybe a bowl of cereal with fresh low fat milk along with a delicious hot chocolate.
But then, again life is full of suprise. Imagine suddenly, you open the cupboard and realize the food that you want are not there. Surely, this thing does not really matter, but imagine yourselves handling a bigger thing, a more crucial and more important thing. Doesn't it bother you?
Then always,I often see myself saying "Maybe this things happens for a reason"
People tend say life is like a wheel. At one moment you are at the top and then at another time you are at the bottom. The problem is about the transition; it is often too short. Without you even realize the world turn around. One minute you are standing firmly on the ground and then you fall.
It would be nice if we can see it coming. I like to know when I can get ready. As far as I'm concern I love to be in know. I have to be in know. I need to be in know! Whoever say that things that you don't know doesn't hurt you is a complete moron. Because for most of things that had been happened around me, not knowing is the worst feeling ever.
Am I rambling? Yes I think I am rambling. But what I try to say is: Try to put yourself into becoming an organizer. If not for an event for an organization, maybe simply for your life. It just like holding an eel. Just when you think you can make a decent, yummy dish from it, it slips through your finger. Even worse it stung you with its sting and left you trembling with pain and agony. Not to forget the undesriceable feeling of regret that you can't have it anymore. It hurt, it really does hurt.
That what life is; it is full of pain. There's been a lot of pain. Pain that we anesthetize it, embrace it, deny it, ignore it or fight through the hell out of it. But up to a point, you have to ride the pain because the fact is you can't outrun from it as life always makes more.
But still we can't forget or at least hope that there is always a silver lining over the horror black cloud. Yes,everybody does has good times and bad times. Hard times and easy times. Besides, if not because these hard times the good times or even the best times wouldn't seemed that good or that best.
In the end I always like to say that for we are planning but Allah (The God) is the greatest planner. Maybe gratitude is not about happiness. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it's it is and admire the struggle it takes to be a simply human. Life is journey, it is short and this is surely not our final destination. At the end the fact that we still standing is reason enough to celebrate.
P/s: thank you for people that make the 'Malam BBQ and Sukeneka' wonderful and nice.
Don't miss understand this article does have nothing to do with it.
Also Happy Birthday to Khairul aka mozac aka legen. Lets fight our life to the fullest!Ya!
Ahad, April 30, 2006
10 Reasons why I still don't have a girlfriend...
Why? This is my answer...
1. Because my family say no!
My family told me to stay in focus with my academic. My sister is the one who are most disagree of me finding a girlfriend. She say it distarct my academic, it consume our money and at the end instead of carrying something, we come back with nothing. Besides, family come in package with barakah, so I choose barakah.
2. There been so much drama!
I still remember when I was in secondary school. Everyone were talking about soap drama. What happens in yesterday's episode, who leave, who stay. Well here, we still keep track of it. Just wait, hear and see. Suddenly, you will know someone is leaving someone, someone don't like with someone, someone been regret with someone. Then come the third person. After that people start to discuss , why that things happens. Is it his fault, her fault or maybe it is because of their family? have we consider it yet?
Well sitting in this small community where information move in the speed of light. You should be ready to be the centre of attention in you want to get involve in having a girlfriend or boyfriend.
3. Emotion are messy, tuck them neatly and come in clean!
Have you heard that one of the condition for a quran hafidz to enter a madrasah that they should not been married yet. If they are not married of course they can't have any girlfriend right? They say it will be an obstacle for them to remember the surah. I don't know if it have any connection with lust. But I think the teachers don't want them to get distracted. Well of course I am not a quran hafidz but still I am medic student and the reality is I do have a lot to remember too. Do I like to be distracted? no I don't think so.
4. The half-life is short
So far most of the couple that I see doesn't stay long. At last they end up leaving each other. I think they lost 'the special thing' and there are nothing that bond them. So they make a decision to leave each other. If they are lucky they're still friend or maybe they eventually cursing each other carrying each other bad name.
5. Most of them lost in the fight with lust.
No parent, no authority to stuck you ear with a lot of no, isn't that heaven?. Yes, this is what happens here. We've been told which are halal and which are haram. Holding hand is haram, staring at each other eyes is haram. 'Don't come any nearer to zina!' we knew that but why we keep doing the thing?
Because we can't control the desire. I hate those thing and to the fact I am no better than them in this knowledge of Islam so I better put it to rest just for a while.
6. There is so much hope!
When we like or admire or fall in love with somebody, we tend to hope. We hope that she/he talk to us, we hope that he/she return our call, we hope he/she smile to us and the list still go on. The more we involve into we tend to hope more. We have something and we tend to ask more it can't be helped.
7. There is so much pain, and it is so hurt
Then, when the hope prove to be a failure, we strain with agony. There've been so much pain. It is just like hanging to a rope. When the rope broke, we felt and the feeling when we hit the bottom is just unbearable. We cry, we do stupid things. Without we even realize we became a child crying over a sweet. Everything went wrong and we realize we feel that we've been so stupid.
8. Restriction to the source of my happiness
A lot of us didn't realize that when we fall in love, we tend to restrict the things that make us happy. Most of them we say, just come from our lover. Even worse we left things that we like.
So, if we want to talk about possibilities, I think that is why these people tend to be unhappy rather than happy.
9. I want to build a strong foundation first.
Other than education, wealth, knowledge and iman, it is friendship that I want to talk about. Friendship is the most humanity relationship. Before we ever try to start any relationship with other people than our family, I think this thing is vital. Someone that can say us when it is enough and someone to catch us when we fall.
True Friendship is not pretencious. Sometimes, compare it to the couple of lovers, friends are even happening. They smile, laugh without even feel any shame of it.
10. It is not the time yet
Of all the things, I think the time is still not right. Of course I do have someone in mind, but I tell to myself 'Lets wait'. If you see me declaring with someone that means you'll going to have an invitation to eat nasi minyak for free anytime sooner.
Though I say those 10 things. I still do have respect with some couple who been separated thousand miles over the continent and sea. If they maintain like that, and still they behave when they see each other, I think they're in the right track. Impossible? I have seen some. Islam is the right way of life. Why dont we follow it?
external link
culture of friendship I like to read this, it remind us how we neglect the value of friendship.
Love
Credit to wikipedia.org
1. Because my family say no!
My family told me to stay in focus with my academic. My sister is the one who are most disagree of me finding a girlfriend. She say it distarct my academic, it consume our money and at the end instead of carrying something, we come back with nothing. Besides, family come in package with barakah, so I choose barakah.
2. There been so much drama!
I still remember when I was in secondary school. Everyone were talking about soap drama. What happens in yesterday's episode, who leave, who stay. Well here, we still keep track of it. Just wait, hear and see. Suddenly, you will know someone is leaving someone, someone don't like with someone, someone been regret with someone. Then come the third person. After that people start to discuss , why that things happens. Is it his fault, her fault or maybe it is because of their family? have we consider it yet?
Well sitting in this small community where information move in the speed of light. You should be ready to be the centre of attention in you want to get involve in having a girlfriend or boyfriend.
3. Emotion are messy, tuck them neatly and come in clean!
Have you heard that one of the condition for a quran hafidz to enter a madrasah that they should not been married yet. If they are not married of course they can't have any girlfriend right? They say it will be an obstacle for them to remember the surah. I don't know if it have any connection with lust. But I think the teachers don't want them to get distracted. Well of course I am not a quran hafidz but still I am medic student and the reality is I do have a lot to remember too. Do I like to be distracted? no I don't think so.
4. The half-life is short
So far most of the couple that I see doesn't stay long. At last they end up leaving each other. I think they lost 'the special thing' and there are nothing that bond them. So they make a decision to leave each other. If they are lucky they're still friend or maybe they eventually cursing each other carrying each other bad name.
5. Most of them lost in the fight with lust.
No parent, no authority to stuck you ear with a lot of no, isn't that heaven?. Yes, this is what happens here. We've been told which are halal and which are haram. Holding hand is haram, staring at each other eyes is haram. 'Don't come any nearer to zina!' we knew that but why we keep doing the thing?
Because we can't control the desire. I hate those thing and to the fact I am no better than them in this knowledge of Islam so I better put it to rest just for a while.
6. There is so much hope!
When we like or admire or fall in love with somebody, we tend to hope. We hope that she/he talk to us, we hope that he/she return our call, we hope he/she smile to us and the list still go on. The more we involve into we tend to hope more. We have something and we tend to ask more it can't be helped.
7. There is so much pain, and it is so hurt
Then, when the hope prove to be a failure, we strain with agony. There've been so much pain. It is just like hanging to a rope. When the rope broke, we felt and the feeling when we hit the bottom is just unbearable. We cry, we do stupid things. Without we even realize we became a child crying over a sweet. Everything went wrong and we realize we feel that we've been so stupid.
8. Restriction to the source of my happiness
A lot of us didn't realize that when we fall in love, we tend to restrict the things that make us happy. Most of them we say, just come from our lover. Even worse we left things that we like.
So, if we want to talk about possibilities, I think that is why these people tend to be unhappy rather than happy.
9. I want to build a strong foundation first.
Other than education, wealth, knowledge and iman, it is friendship that I want to talk about. Friendship is the most humanity relationship. Before we ever try to start any relationship with other people than our family, I think this thing is vital. Someone that can say us when it is enough and someone to catch us when we fall.
True Friendship is not pretencious. Sometimes, compare it to the couple of lovers, friends are even happening. They smile, laugh without even feel any shame of it.
10. It is not the time yet
Of all the things, I think the time is still not right. Of course I do have someone in mind, but I tell to myself 'Lets wait'. If you see me declaring with someone that means you'll going to have an invitation to eat nasi minyak for free anytime sooner.
Though I say those 10 things. I still do have respect with some couple who been separated thousand miles over the continent and sea. If they maintain like that, and still they behave when they see each other, I think they're in the right track. Impossible? I have seen some. Islam is the right way of life. Why dont we follow it?
external link
Credit to wikipedia.org
Jumaat, April 14, 2006
Tsaritsyn, Stalingrad, Volgograd
If my mind was right, that day was supposed to be the birthday of Hitler. It was supposed to be a very dangerous day, but despite of all rumours, somehow we had an excursion on that day.
Wikipedia-Volgograd
Other than the information from my lecterur,most of fact of Volgograd was taken from the Wikipedia.
The excursion is actually to expose us with the three different period of Volgograd which are from Tsaritsyn, then to Stalingrad and the latest one is Volgograd. He tried to show us the meaning of all this by showing us the building that came from different period and for that we had to walk around the center of the city.
Tsaritstyn
Volgograd originated with the foundation in 1589 of the fortress of Tsaritsyn at the confluence of the Tsaritsa and Volga rivers. The fortress, which took its name from the local name Sary Su (Yellow Water\River in Tatar language), was established to defend the unstable southern border of tsarist Russia and became the nucleus of a trading settlement.
This was suppose to be the site where the river of Tsaritsyn was, now it flows below the ground in a huge tube. If we see at the end of this river, there still are the Yellow small island where the Tsaritsyn got its name.
These are some of the building from that period which still exist up till now. We can say that they have thier own unique design of building which combine the west and the east architecture and one thing for sure red is the main colour.
This building was suppose to be the fire department in that time. That explain why they have tower but now its function is different.
Stalingrad and Volgograd
Then the name of Tsaritsyn was changed into Stalingrad. Under Stalin, the city became heavily industrialized and was developed as a centre of heavy industry and trans-shipment by rail and river.
During World War II (Great Patriotic War), the city of Stalingrad became the center of the battle of Stalingrad, the costliest battle in human history, as well as the pivotal turning point in the war against Germany.
A lot of building were destructed during the war. then, it was decided that the city was ought to be rebuild in the memorial of Russian victory upon the Stalingrad Battle.
If you look at the picture closely which of course not at those two girl. you will notice two emblem, according to my lecturer one symbolized the civil war, another is the patriotic spirit and at the center there are several culpture celebrating the happiness of victory.
This is the picture of Alley geroi(alley of heroes) in memorial of the stalingrad battle. This Alley lies from here the street of Mira to the bank of Volga River. It is said that this alley is build so that Stalin could walk from the Volga River up till the centre of the City. Besides that, all the building along the Alley was designed by the same architect that rebuild the St.Petersburg. One of them is our beloved university. Many plan was carried forward but Stalin died back then and most of them was stopped.
I asked my lecturer why the name Stalingrad was changed to Volgograd. He answered it was because due to a very tragic story during the rule of Stalin, a lot of people die so they didn't want to remember it ever again. Too bad, I think the name of Stalingrad are more familiar to most of people. I often have a problem to introduce Volgograd to my friend and relatives back then at home.
Well here are some more picture
I really that day inspite that we can't relax a little bit without having any formal class.
For more information about Volgograd please refer to this link:
Other than the information from my lecterur,most of fact of Volgograd was taken from the Wikipedia.
Happy Belated Birthday!!
.jpg)
Who still expect birthday presents even after a week after the real date? Shock? Yes I am.
1. Tray for cake from Wadah(Are they expect me to serve everyone cake erm??)
2. 2 mug: The red one from my roomate Aizudeen(3rd year student) and the other from Dziannis( a lot of people admire this mug, the shape is a bit different)
3. A really big candle from Yanti (remind me of last year when I gave everyone at least a candle for their birthday hihi)
4. A small cute ornament of a chick from Sab
P/S: still waiting for a card in pending and a birthday present also in pending...both come from 2 different person. They said that they are on their way...
Anyway...again thank you so much.....
Should we feel afraid?
During the last 2 week I've heard a rumors among my friend that a video had just been sent to the local police recently. What makes this video so special is because it have something special that all of us want know.
What is it? Actually, this video if i am not mistaken it showed a group of russian hooligans bashed a foreign student along with a warning( more like a threat I would say) that they will kill a foreigner before 20 April which I suppose that day is the Hitler's Birthday.
Things got a little bit spiced up when in the Harian Metro they said about a boy got beaten up in Moscow( in Nizhny Novgorad 300 km from Moscow) and spend a few days in hospital. Firstly, before I further comments about this news I just want to say that actually they shouldn't put that those event happened in Moscow in the first place. Don't they know that Moscow and Nizhny Novgorad is totally 2 different city. They said it as if Nizhny is a district or something in Moscow. Talking about geographical mistake here. I think they just make people being so confused about Russia not the other way around.
The second things is I was so impress when they said a representative from Malaysian embassy did go to Nizhny to see this poor boy. As I know 300 km is not a small kind of number. Unless he took a plane or he reached there maybe a day after. Impossible I would say. Besides, this is not the 1st time people got beaten up so what make this things so special? Is it because it just happened to be in the local tabloid?
But if the news ever true, a high salute from me to the Malaysian Embassy for so much effort. They do show us that they care and we been really thankful for that.
Back to thing that I want to say. Those news seemed a little bit earlier than 20 April (like what Haneem said) and still that boy is still alive (nauzubillah not the other way please!) so that things seemed to be a way far contradicted to each other. Nevertheless, this 2 news supposely do make us feel afraid or at least a bit cautious.
Well, I did told my Russian lecturer who is actually are our curator here about this problem . To no avail other than the usual advice not to wander alone, or go out during the night, I didn't recalled that I saw any shock face from her, not that I really hope actually. But aside from that, I actually did want to see some things done from the authorities, from the university. Do something! don't they see that it is our life that they guys was talking about.
So amidst all the chaos. What is actually that we should feel?
Should we scream? "AAAA!!!!"
or should shrieking from help "Help! Help!"
or maybe make a video and cry "Please! Don't kill us!"
or maybe walk furiously to our dean and have an hour fight about this things.
Should we??
Out of anybody expectation, things seem pretty normal here. Other than a loud AAA accompany by a 2 minute high pitch siren over the overcooking meal in the microwave I don't see anything unusuall. My guess is they really already adapt to this things. I mean, it is not that we have any choice for the situation. We are not like Moscow student who can have a holiday for that day. Here if we want to do the same thing, it will be consider with a big NO!NO! and we have to pay for the extra class or should I say in a more dramatic way FOR OUR LIFE?
I think everybody here been already clear with the situation. By making a decision to go here, we already aware of any kind of possibilities. We are fighting to get a knowledge under the bless of Allah. If we die, we die in syahid. We knew that and we have no complaint.
Despite the news that been out in the Harian Metro. Nothing new for us actually, a number of people been beaten up, not that the new one is really suprise. The most important is we show our courtesy, we show that we care, we visit them, wish them to get well and help everything with what we can give. After that, we just pray it will not happen again. Praying is what we do and what we always do.
Like what my friend say
"Ala kalau nak mati dekat mana-mana pun boleh mati...."
So, why with that worry face, why with that frown face. Don't you know you are using a lot more muscle when you frown than when you smile? Come on work out your musculus oris(Greek=laugh), it is better that way.
Don't be afraid! Allah is always with us....
What is it? Actually, this video if i am not mistaken it showed a group of russian hooligans bashed a foreign student along with a warning( more like a threat I would say) that they will kill a foreigner before 20 April which I suppose that day is the Hitler's Birthday.
Things got a little bit spiced up when in the Harian Metro they said about a boy got beaten up in Moscow( in Nizhny Novgorad 300 km from Moscow) and spend a few days in hospital. Firstly, before I further comments about this news I just want to say that actually they shouldn't put that those event happened in Moscow in the first place. Don't they know that Moscow and Nizhny Novgorad is totally 2 different city. They said it as if Nizhny is a district or something in Moscow. Talking about geographical mistake here. I think they just make people being so confused about Russia not the other way around.
The second things is I was so impress when they said a representative from Malaysian embassy did go to Nizhny to see this poor boy. As I know 300 km is not a small kind of number. Unless he took a plane or he reached there maybe a day after. Impossible I would say. Besides, this is not the 1st time people got beaten up so what make this things so special? Is it because it just happened to be in the local tabloid?
But if the news ever true, a high salute from me to the Malaysian Embassy for so much effort. They do show us that they care and we been really thankful for that.
Back to thing that I want to say. Those news seemed a little bit earlier than 20 April (like what Haneem said) and still that boy is still alive (nauzubillah not the other way please!) so that things seemed to be a way far contradicted to each other. Nevertheless, this 2 news supposely do make us feel afraid or at least a bit cautious.
Well, I did told my Russian lecturer who is actually are our curator here about this problem . To no avail other than the usual advice not to wander alone, or go out during the night, I didn't recalled that I saw any shock face from her, not that I really hope actually. But aside from that, I actually did want to see some things done from the authorities, from the university. Do something! don't they see that it is our life that they guys was talking about.
So amidst all the chaos. What is actually that we should feel?
Should we scream? "AAAA!!!!"
or should shrieking from help "Help! Help!"
or maybe make a video and cry "Please! Don't kill us!"
or maybe walk furiously to our dean and have an hour fight about this things.
Should we??
Out of anybody expectation, things seem pretty normal here. Other than a loud AAA accompany by a 2 minute high pitch siren over the overcooking meal in the microwave I don't see anything unusuall. My guess is they really already adapt to this things. I mean, it is not that we have any choice for the situation. We are not like Moscow student who can have a holiday for that day. Here if we want to do the same thing, it will be consider with a big NO!NO! and we have to pay for the extra class or should I say in a more dramatic way FOR OUR LIFE?
I think everybody here been already clear with the situation. By making a decision to go here, we already aware of any kind of possibilities. We are fighting to get a knowledge under the bless of Allah. If we die, we die in syahid. We knew that and we have no complaint.
Despite the news that been out in the Harian Metro. Nothing new for us actually, a number of people been beaten up, not that the new one is really suprise. The most important is we show our courtesy, we show that we care, we visit them, wish them to get well and help everything with what we can give. After that, we just pray it will not happen again. Praying is what we do and what we always do.
Like what my friend say
"Ala kalau nak mati dekat mana-mana pun boleh mati...."
So, why with that worry face, why with that frown face. Don't you know you are using a lot more muscle when you frown than when you smile? Come on work out your musculus oris(Greek=laugh), it is better that way.
Don't be afraid! Allah is always with us....
Happy Birthday to Me! (Part 2)
.0.jpg)
This is the birthday present that I got for this year
- Wrist watch-laurier France
- A Short sleeve shirt
- Pocket Watch
- Latest Album of Mawi-Yang Tercinta
- Microphone
- Tea set
- Mug
- Pen holder and case
- a tiny clock ornament
Thank you!!!
Rabu, April 12, 2006
Happy Birthday to ME!
I keep telling myself that birthday has nothing to be expected. I just another day and I try to treat as equal as the other day. Well I just wished I could.
It started from the day before the celebration, I did told myself to be as casual as I could. As usual everyone pretend they don't even know about it. They tried their best not to talk about it in front of me. Everybody used the sign language as if I don't understand. Well they did act weird and what even more suspicious than that?
I went back to the hostel in fatigue. During my last class I couldn't even lift my pen. All my friend went out for jogging but I choosed to stay and played games. Later maghrib passed and I still in control. I made a round in every room of my friends and had chatting here and there. Things were getting boring enough and I decided to watch band competition video. Time passed and after a slot of watching the video along with few technical problem, I watched the clock.
It was 15 minute before 12 o clock. Suddenly I decided to made the suprise to be impossible. I visited all the room again and stayed in the room where they used to held the birthday party. At last they spilled the beans. In the very crucial 1 minute before the clock strucked 12. Somebody uttered my name.
"Fadly...pegi lar buat2 tido ker, aper ker, budget lar skit...org nak buat birthday party ko nih...camner kitaorg nak prepare"
They stop their pretention at last. One by one opened the door checking whether the party had started or not. A quiet place suddenly turned into a bit noisy with the sound of my friend opened the door and running along the hall way.
Just 15 minutes later, I had my 'suprise party' at last. It was held in the room which of course with a lot of slippers and shoes in front of it (guys! isn't it so obvious!). Then everybody shrieked 'SUPRISE'!. I cut the cake, we ate them and play the game 'Truth or Dare' which of course most of the question they knew I couldn't answer it in front of so many people (nothing dirty ok). Then I got plenty of present, We hug each other and went back to sleep.
Next morning I woke up really early. I don't know why. People say this thing happens if we are really expecting the day but seriously I was not waiting and I was really sure about that. We reached the lecture hall just in time before the lecture started(of course by a really enourmously fast taxi). Just when I was about to take my seat, a lot of my friend which most of them are not staying in the hostel greet me with tons wishes of 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!'. Some of them shouted it from far behind despite our lecturer was already there, ready to give the lecture thus made it a little more obvious that that day was my birthday.
During the break, again more greetings and plenty more present. The day proceed then and somehow I just afraid of walking in the corridor as everytime as I passed by any Malaysian, they kept saying happy and happy birthday. This is not to mention with lot of SMS that I received at the same time. How I could say, I really tried my best not to blush.
Still I didn't treat any special to the day. I was not expecting anything. I'm glad people wished me but more than that I never expected anything from them.
At the very end of the day suddenly, out of nowhere I felt really really sad. I really didn't know why. I kept thinking to myself; if I'm not expecting anything why I should be sad of something?. Then somehow I realized, maybe it is because of the overwhelming wish from alot of people. To know that a lot of people remind about you, there for you is really something and just for that I think even though I was not expecting anything but still I wanted to cry not because it is sad but in the other way it was really happy to me.
I know there will be a suprise party, it is a custom. I know there will be present, it is more like a tradition but I never aware that the feeling is something that you'll never expected and maybe I felt sad as I have to wait for another one year to feel the same way again.
But for a very happy and wonderful day, I want to thank all people that made it so out of this world; my family, my friends. Of course above of all THANK YOU ALLAH!.
It started from the day before the celebration, I did told myself to be as casual as I could. As usual everyone pretend they don't even know about it. They tried their best not to talk about it in front of me. Everybody used the sign language as if I don't understand. Well they did act weird and what even more suspicious than that?
I went back to the hostel in fatigue. During my last class I couldn't even lift my pen. All my friend went out for jogging but I choosed to stay and played games. Later maghrib passed and I still in control. I made a round in every room of my friends and had chatting here and there. Things were getting boring enough and I decided to watch band competition video. Time passed and after a slot of watching the video along with few technical problem, I watched the clock.
It was 15 minute before 12 o clock. Suddenly I decided to made the suprise to be impossible. I visited all the room again and stayed in the room where they used to held the birthday party. At last they spilled the beans. In the very crucial 1 minute before the clock strucked 12. Somebody uttered my name.
"Fadly...pegi lar buat2 tido ker, aper ker, budget lar skit...org nak buat birthday party ko nih...camner kitaorg nak prepare"
They stop their pretention at last. One by one opened the door checking whether the party had started or not. A quiet place suddenly turned into a bit noisy with the sound of my friend opened the door and running along the hall way.
Just 15 minutes later, I had my 'suprise party' at last. It was held in the room which of course with a lot of slippers and shoes in front of it (guys! isn't it so obvious!). Then everybody shrieked 'SUPRISE'!. I cut the cake, we ate them and play the game 'Truth or Dare' which of course most of the question they knew I couldn't answer it in front of so many people (nothing dirty ok). Then I got plenty of present, We hug each other and went back to sleep.
Next morning I woke up really early. I don't know why. People say this thing happens if we are really expecting the day but seriously I was not waiting and I was really sure about that. We reached the lecture hall just in time before the lecture started(of course by a really enourmously fast taxi). Just when I was about to take my seat, a lot of my friend which most of them are not staying in the hostel greet me with tons wishes of 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!'. Some of them shouted it from far behind despite our lecturer was already there, ready to give the lecture thus made it a little more obvious that that day was my birthday.
During the break, again more greetings and plenty more present. The day proceed then and somehow I just afraid of walking in the corridor as everytime as I passed by any Malaysian, they kept saying happy and happy birthday. This is not to mention with lot of SMS that I received at the same time. How I could say, I really tried my best not to blush.
Still I didn't treat any special to the day. I was not expecting anything. I'm glad people wished me but more than that I never expected anything from them.
At the very end of the day suddenly, out of nowhere I felt really really sad. I really didn't know why. I kept thinking to myself; if I'm not expecting anything why I should be sad of something?. Then somehow I realized, maybe it is because of the overwhelming wish from alot of people. To know that a lot of people remind about you, there for you is really something and just for that I think even though I was not expecting anything but still I wanted to cry not because it is sad but in the other way it was really happy to me.
I know there will be a suprise party, it is a custom. I know there will be present, it is more like a tradition but I never aware that the feeling is something that you'll never expected and maybe I felt sad as I have to wait for another one year to feel the same way again.
But for a very happy and wonderful day, I want to thank all people that made it so out of this world; my family, my friends. Of course above of all THANK YOU ALLAH!.
Isnin, April 03, 2006
New week, New Day, New People, New day
Today is Sunday, no doubt about that. I woke up and hoped everything will go smoothly. Certainly wanted it at least better than the last 2 week. For me those 2 last week is so exhausting; mental and physical.
To my shock ,the number of people who attend the tafseer class has just increased. A lot more new face. I just smile to myself while greeting them as warm as I could. Well concerning this I have my own guess and my own theory but maybe it is best if I keep it to myself.
Frankly,being a full timer of hostel resident it just been like a natural to me to do all the custom; meaning doing all the 'must do things' when my friend who reside at kvartira come to hostel.
Usually it start with:
"Hi/Assalamualaikum"
"Lama tak nampak, apa cerita?/apa khabar?"
shake hand,hug and the most important thing Smile!
If the conversation proceed
"Datang sorang jer?"
"Mana yang lain?"
"Nak beli ayam ker?kejap nyer carikan Adib"
"Nak beli ayam? Dah ada plastik?"
"Ambiklah plastik ni/plastik ader belakang pintu kat bilik aku, ambik lah"
again with smile
If I say some face were starting to leave:
"Dah nak balik dah? Bye!"
"Stay lar sekejap lagih,"
"Pegi ke mana lepas nih?"
"OK jumpa lagi"
Sometime it might be sad but anyway keep smiling!
It kindnna shock especially concerning that when I firstly wake up, I don't remembered see myself smiling.
Well tell you the truth, keep repeating the same word do made my brain a little bit slow, if someone try to change the pattern, it just like a cold wave to my brain, I have to think a bit then only after that things back to normal. That is why it is no different even if the person came just right after I wake up, I can just swicth on the pattern and give the warm welcome. Yes, IT IS THE WARM WELCOME THAT MATTER.
Well but this week I had it a little bit different, there had been a meeting on Kelab Umno Volgograd back then. A lot of issue and plan were brought forward. Not that I want to put it here but just to tell that I was appointed to wrote a blog of the club. Well another blog to write I guess. The different is this blog got to be a bit formal yet so interesting. Well I reckon it have to deal a lot with language and way of presentation for this two things must be side by side at a very suitable level.
I will say that this is a new begining, opening of new chapter to me and to the Volgograd's Malaysian student as general.
Anyway,who get to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It's not actually on the calender, nor it is the new year or the birthday.
It is an event, be it big or small. Something that give us hope, strength, a new way of living and new way to look at the world. What important is that we never stop believing that somehow someday some good things do come for real. For everything that is bad there is still something good that we can find.
Again SMILE!!
To my shock ,the number of people who attend the tafseer class has just increased. A lot more new face. I just smile to myself while greeting them as warm as I could. Well concerning this I have my own guess and my own theory but maybe it is best if I keep it to myself.
Frankly,being a full timer of hostel resident it just been like a natural to me to do all the custom; meaning doing all the 'must do things' when my friend who reside at kvartira come to hostel.
Usually it start with:
"Hi/Assalamualaikum"
"Lama tak nampak, apa cerita?/apa khabar?"
shake hand,hug and the most important thing Smile!
If the conversation proceed
"Datang sorang jer?"
"Mana yang lain?"
"Nak beli ayam ker?kejap nyer carikan Adib"
"Nak beli ayam? Dah ada plastik?"
"Ambiklah plastik ni/plastik ader belakang pintu kat bilik aku, ambik lah"
again with smile
If I say some face were starting to leave:
"Dah nak balik dah? Bye!"
"Stay lar sekejap lagih,"
"Pegi ke mana lepas nih?"
"OK jumpa lagi"
Sometime it might be sad but anyway keep smiling!
It kindnna shock especially concerning that when I firstly wake up, I don't remembered see myself smiling.
Well tell you the truth, keep repeating the same word do made my brain a little bit slow, if someone try to change the pattern, it just like a cold wave to my brain, I have to think a bit then only after that things back to normal. That is why it is no different even if the person came just right after I wake up, I can just swicth on the pattern and give the warm welcome. Yes, IT IS THE WARM WELCOME THAT MATTER.
Well but this week I had it a little bit different, there had been a meeting on Kelab Umno Volgograd back then. A lot of issue and plan were brought forward. Not that I want to put it here but just to tell that I was appointed to wrote a blog of the club. Well another blog to write I guess. The different is this blog got to be a bit formal yet so interesting. Well I reckon it have to deal a lot with language and way of presentation for this two things must be side by side at a very suitable level.
I will say that this is a new begining, opening of new chapter to me and to the Volgograd's Malaysian student as general.
Anyway,who get to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It's not actually on the calender, nor it is the new year or the birthday.
It is an event, be it big or small. Something that give us hope, strength, a new way of living and new way to look at the world. What important is that we never stop believing that somehow someday some good things do come for real. For everything that is bad there is still something good that we can find.
Again SMILE!!
Ahad, April 02, 2006
Rasional atau .....?
Matlamat tetap tidak menghalalkan cara. Sesuatu yang buruk tetap tidak boleh menjadi sesuatu yang baik cuma kerana kita mencampurkan dengan perkara yang mulia. Macam air yang bersih kalau dicampur dengan lumpur tetap menjadi keruh, bukannya sebaliknya.
Orang kata kita marah sebab kita sayang. Mak kita marahkan kita sebab dia sayangkan kita, dia mahu kita jadi orang yang baik, anak yang soleh, manusia yang berguna. Kalau atas dasar inilah yang dijadikan sebab untuk perjumpaan hari ahad itu dilakukan maka sekalung tahniah diberikan kepada penganjur. Usaha untuk merapatkan ukhwah memang harus dipuji dan dituntut lebih-lebih lagi kita sebagai satu kumpulan masyarakat yang kecil khususnya dan Islam umumnya.
Namun realiti adakah seindah apa yang ditonjolkan. Apa yang penting bukannya idea tapi perlaksanaannya. Ada beberapa soalan yang perlu ditanya pada peristiwa tersebut:
1.) Adakah perjumpaan itu dibuat atas dasar rasional atau lebih kepada rasa marah
2.) Adakah benar Islam diletakkan sebagai sebab utama perjumpaan ini dilakukan.
3.) Adakah perjumpaan ini berbentuk dua hala ataupun lebih kepada pernyampaian daripada satu pihak sahaja.
Ikhlas saya katakan minggu-minggu pertama saya dengan adik-adik ini(lebih elok daripada gelaran junior rasanya), saya sendiri rasakan yang mereka ini sombonglah, tak menegur kami lah, itu lah inilah. Macam-macam kami utarakan. Tapi oleh kerana kami tinggal di sini bercampur dari 2nd year sampailah ke 5th year maka perbincangan berlaku. Tipulah kalau saya katakan tidak wujud unsur-unsur tidak puas hati:
"Aku rasa 1st year tuh sombonglah, jalan bukan nak tegur pun, bukan nak naik atas pun" kata mamat A ni
"Haah aku pun setuju, diorg nih tah hape-hape betul, kalau dah duduk sama-sama nih buat lar cara hidup masyarakat..ini tak"sokong mamat b pulak.
Keadaan menjadi semakin hangat, Alhamdulillah Allah selamatkan segalanya, masih ada yang berfikiran rasional.
"Ala awal lagi tu, diorg sume tak kenal korg. Malu lah tuh. Korang dulu pun awal2 macam tuh jugak. Tgk skrg kita smpi bertepuk tampar dah, makan sama2, gelak sama2"
"Erm btul jugak, kita try lar slow-slow, lama-lama nnti baik lar sumer org tuh"
Dan akhirnya tanpa mengunakan sebarang bentuk senioriti dan hanya dengan ukhwah muslimin, kami yang duduk hostel hidup macam satu keluarga.
Tak ada soalnya siapa yang hidup susah lagi banyak, masing-masing ada masalah sendiri. Kalau senior-senior kata diorang dah hidup susah adik-adik ini pun ada masalah mereka sendiri jugak. Sepatutnya kita kenalah bantu-membantu.
Kalau kita mahukan sesuatu maka kita perlukan beri sesuatu, kalau kita mahukan hormat maka kita perlu tunjukkan hormat. Berikan mereka ruang sebagaimana mereka berikan ruang kepada kita.
Apa yang kurang enak bagi saya. Perkara ini dilakukan sebelum mereka semua kenal antara satu sama lain. Bagi saya ada ketidakadilan disini. Kenapa?
1. Kalau senior kata junior dah tahu nama mereka, soal yang sama diberikan kepada senior. Adakah mereka tahu nama2 junior mereka. Atas hak apa senior katakan yang mereka tak perlu tahu nama junior. Sebaliknya, beban itu diletakkan pada junior pula?. Dalam keluarga misalnya takkan adik saja yang perlu kenal nama abang? mcm mana pula abang? bukan ke yang tua perlu menunjukkan contoh dan teladan atau sekurang-kurangnya biarlah ia berlaku dalam masa yang serentak adik dan abang saling mengenali.
2. Kalau hal salam pula diutarakan. Saya sendiri hairan kenapa kita tak nak memberi salam. Kan memberi salam itu dituntut. Dalam Islam bukankah yang memberi itu lebih mulia. Bahkan memberi salam itu harus je tapi menjawab itu yang wajib. Tapi tak puala saya dengar ada seruan mengatakan bahawa ada keutamaan berdasarkan pada umur. Ikutlah contoh Rasullah s.a.w yang seperti dikatakan oleh sahabat, tak pernah membenarkan orang lain memberikan salam lebih awal dari baginda. Sifat terpuji inilah yang harus kita ikut. Kata nak jadi doktor yang soleh...
Saya agak terkilan perjumpaan ini dibuat tanpa sebarang rujukan kepada kami, orang atau lebih tepat senior yang lebih dekat dengan mereka ini. Bukannya mengungkit tapi kami rasakan kami lebih ada hak. Mungkin nampak mereka senyap tapi ada yang berkata:
"Aku tak rasa orang luar tak layak buat macam tu kat diorg, apa diorg tahu pasal budak-budak ni?. Apa yang diorg buat waktu budak2 nih sakit? ada diorg tanya khabar? ada diorg pergi telefon kan curator? ada diorg bawak pergi hospital? waktu budak2 nih ada masalah awal2 dtg sini. Apa yang diorg buat? ada diorg nak bawak budak2 ni pergi beli barang? ada yg sanggup ikut diorg pergi post office ambikkan parcel? kalau diorg nih tak tahu masak? makan makanan tak betul? ada diorg nak tolong ajar masak? nak masak ker? ada tak? budak2 nih ada masalah dalam pelajaran...ada diorg nak kasi skema? ada yang nak tunjuk ajar? tak ada pun...kitaorg yang buat semua tu, THEN ada ker kitaorg mengadu diorg tak respect kitaorg? takde! kitaorg hidup aman damai bahagia macam keluarga tapi kenapa orang luar nak sibuk?"
Maaf jika bahasanya sedikit kasar tapi sikit sebanyak inilah salah satu yang diadukan. Peliknya Kak Sha 5th year disini pun tak kata banyak, kenapa orang lain yang melatah. Seterusnya membawa kita ke pokok soalan yang sama, adakah ia benar rasional ataupun dek rasa tercabar.
Mungkin tak semua salah diletakkan pada senior, mungkin adik-adik ini tak memainkan peranan mereka. Macam yang saya katakan perhubungan perlu dua hala. Apa salahnya kalau adik-adik ini yang mulakan. Mengapa tidak kan?
Rasanya baik kita berhenti daripada menunding jari. Kalau kita hendakkan sesuatu kita perlu usaha. Kalau seorang lelaki ingin memikat seorg wanita maka dia perlu berusaha.
Kita semua bukannya kecil lagi, tindakan kita perlu difikirkan dalam jangka masa panjang bukan jangka masa pendek.
Maaf untuk saya katakan perjumpaan itu bukan sahaja kesannya tidak lama malah menambah rasa benci junior terhadap senior. Kalau di sekolah mungkin ini berkesan sebab hubungan yang dalam tidak lah sangat diperlukan, sekadar dipermukaan adalah mencukupi. Tapi dalam hal ini, kita melihat pada pembentukan masyarakat yang apa yang diperlukan adalah pembentukan ukhwah, ummah yang ada rasa hormat dan kasih yang amat kukuh didalam jiwa.
Dan ini saya katakan tidak boleh datang sekelip mata, kita sedar dalam membina perhubungan perlukan masa dan kesabaran. Tak ada sebab untuk kita katakan ia mustahil sebab kami di hostel telah pun berjaya buktikan, kalau tidak pun seutuh mana tapi rasa hormat yang tinggi ada dan sukar diruntuhkan.
Apa salahnya kalau kita duduk sekejap, bersembang, bertanya khabar misalnya. Main PS paling kurang ataupun main bola petang itu dengan mereka setidak-tidaknya. Apa sangat yang nak dikejarkan pada hari ahad dirumah, kan lebih seronok kalau berkumpul beramai-ramai.
Kenapa kita perlu gunakan perkataan Senior? Kan manusia diturunkan oleh Allah sebagai Khalifah, sebagai pemimpin bukannya sebagai senior. Khalifah memimpin melalui teladan, khalifah memimpin melalui rasional atas dasar dan landasan yang jelas dan bersih dari sebarang unsur-unsur lain.
Dulu saya suka sangat bila semua orang berkumpul, terasa macam dalam satu keluarga tapi sekarang semua dah bergaduh, kalau ada pun hormat, palsu belaka. Saya tak suka hidup dalam kepura-puraan. Cantik diluar tapi buruk didalam.
Memang dalam satu tandan pisang bukan semuanya busuk. Dari apa yang saya dengar, tak semua dipersoalkan ada sesetengah dari mereka dipuji lagi (Gmi misalnya). Tapi kerana nila setitik memang habis susu sebelangga. Logiknya, siapalah yang nak minum susu yang sudah berwarna biru?
Maaf jika penulisan ini keras dan tajam bunyinya. Tegurlah saya dengan hikmah jika saya melampaui batas tapi kalau ianya benar maka terimalah ia dgn hati terbuka. Kita semua manusia, kita sememangnya terlupa dan tugas kita tidak lain 'amar maaruf nahi mungkar'.
P/s: Bersabarlah kerana sabar itu cantik.
Orang kata kita marah sebab kita sayang. Mak kita marahkan kita sebab dia sayangkan kita, dia mahu kita jadi orang yang baik, anak yang soleh, manusia yang berguna. Kalau atas dasar inilah yang dijadikan sebab untuk perjumpaan hari ahad itu dilakukan maka sekalung tahniah diberikan kepada penganjur. Usaha untuk merapatkan ukhwah memang harus dipuji dan dituntut lebih-lebih lagi kita sebagai satu kumpulan masyarakat yang kecil khususnya dan Islam umumnya.
Namun realiti adakah seindah apa yang ditonjolkan. Apa yang penting bukannya idea tapi perlaksanaannya. Ada beberapa soalan yang perlu ditanya pada peristiwa tersebut:
1.) Adakah perjumpaan itu dibuat atas dasar rasional atau lebih kepada rasa marah
2.) Adakah benar Islam diletakkan sebagai sebab utama perjumpaan ini dilakukan.
3.) Adakah perjumpaan ini berbentuk dua hala ataupun lebih kepada pernyampaian daripada satu pihak sahaja.
Ikhlas saya katakan minggu-minggu pertama saya dengan adik-adik ini(lebih elok daripada gelaran junior rasanya), saya sendiri rasakan yang mereka ini sombonglah, tak menegur kami lah, itu lah inilah. Macam-macam kami utarakan. Tapi oleh kerana kami tinggal di sini bercampur dari 2nd year sampailah ke 5th year maka perbincangan berlaku. Tipulah kalau saya katakan tidak wujud unsur-unsur tidak puas hati:
"Aku rasa 1st year tuh sombonglah, jalan bukan nak tegur pun, bukan nak naik atas pun" kata mamat A ni
"Haah aku pun setuju, diorg nih tah hape-hape betul, kalau dah duduk sama-sama nih buat lar cara hidup masyarakat..ini tak"sokong mamat b pulak.
Keadaan menjadi semakin hangat, Alhamdulillah Allah selamatkan segalanya, masih ada yang berfikiran rasional.
"Ala awal lagi tu, diorg sume tak kenal korg. Malu lah tuh. Korang dulu pun awal2 macam tuh jugak. Tgk skrg kita smpi bertepuk tampar dah, makan sama2, gelak sama2"
"Erm btul jugak, kita try lar slow-slow, lama-lama nnti baik lar sumer org tuh"
Dan akhirnya tanpa mengunakan sebarang bentuk senioriti dan hanya dengan ukhwah muslimin, kami yang duduk hostel hidup macam satu keluarga.
Tak ada soalnya siapa yang hidup susah lagi banyak, masing-masing ada masalah sendiri. Kalau senior-senior kata diorang dah hidup susah adik-adik ini pun ada masalah mereka sendiri jugak. Sepatutnya kita kenalah bantu-membantu.
Kalau kita mahukan sesuatu maka kita perlukan beri sesuatu, kalau kita mahukan hormat maka kita perlu tunjukkan hormat. Berikan mereka ruang sebagaimana mereka berikan ruang kepada kita.
Apa yang kurang enak bagi saya. Perkara ini dilakukan sebelum mereka semua kenal antara satu sama lain. Bagi saya ada ketidakadilan disini. Kenapa?
1. Kalau senior kata junior dah tahu nama mereka, soal yang sama diberikan kepada senior. Adakah mereka tahu nama2 junior mereka. Atas hak apa senior katakan yang mereka tak perlu tahu nama junior. Sebaliknya, beban itu diletakkan pada junior pula?. Dalam keluarga misalnya takkan adik saja yang perlu kenal nama abang? mcm mana pula abang? bukan ke yang tua perlu menunjukkan contoh dan teladan atau sekurang-kurangnya biarlah ia berlaku dalam masa yang serentak adik dan abang saling mengenali.
2. Kalau hal salam pula diutarakan. Saya sendiri hairan kenapa kita tak nak memberi salam. Kan memberi salam itu dituntut. Dalam Islam bukankah yang memberi itu lebih mulia. Bahkan memberi salam itu harus je tapi menjawab itu yang wajib. Tapi tak puala saya dengar ada seruan mengatakan bahawa ada keutamaan berdasarkan pada umur. Ikutlah contoh Rasullah s.a.w yang seperti dikatakan oleh sahabat, tak pernah membenarkan orang lain memberikan salam lebih awal dari baginda. Sifat terpuji inilah yang harus kita ikut. Kata nak jadi doktor yang soleh...
Saya agak terkilan perjumpaan ini dibuat tanpa sebarang rujukan kepada kami, orang atau lebih tepat senior yang lebih dekat dengan mereka ini. Bukannya mengungkit tapi kami rasakan kami lebih ada hak. Mungkin nampak mereka senyap tapi ada yang berkata:
"Aku tak rasa orang luar tak layak buat macam tu kat diorg, apa diorg tahu pasal budak-budak ni?. Apa yang diorg buat waktu budak2 nih sakit? ada diorg tanya khabar? ada diorg pergi telefon kan curator? ada diorg bawak pergi hospital? waktu budak2 nih ada masalah awal2 dtg sini. Apa yang diorg buat? ada diorg nak bawak budak2 ni pergi beli barang? ada yg sanggup ikut diorg pergi post office ambikkan parcel? kalau diorg nih tak tahu masak? makan makanan tak betul? ada diorg nak tolong ajar masak? nak masak ker? ada tak? budak2 nih ada masalah dalam pelajaran...ada diorg nak kasi skema? ada yang nak tunjuk ajar? tak ada pun...kitaorg yang buat semua tu, THEN ada ker kitaorg mengadu diorg tak respect kitaorg? takde! kitaorg hidup aman damai bahagia macam keluarga tapi kenapa orang luar nak sibuk?"
Maaf jika bahasanya sedikit kasar tapi sikit sebanyak inilah salah satu yang diadukan. Peliknya Kak Sha 5th year disini pun tak kata banyak, kenapa orang lain yang melatah. Seterusnya membawa kita ke pokok soalan yang sama, adakah ia benar rasional ataupun dek rasa tercabar.
Mungkin tak semua salah diletakkan pada senior, mungkin adik-adik ini tak memainkan peranan mereka. Macam yang saya katakan perhubungan perlu dua hala. Apa salahnya kalau adik-adik ini yang mulakan. Mengapa tidak kan?
Rasanya baik kita berhenti daripada menunding jari. Kalau kita hendakkan sesuatu kita perlu usaha. Kalau seorang lelaki ingin memikat seorg wanita maka dia perlu berusaha.
Kita semua bukannya kecil lagi, tindakan kita perlu difikirkan dalam jangka masa panjang bukan jangka masa pendek.
Maaf untuk saya katakan perjumpaan itu bukan sahaja kesannya tidak lama malah menambah rasa benci junior terhadap senior. Kalau di sekolah mungkin ini berkesan sebab hubungan yang dalam tidak lah sangat diperlukan, sekadar dipermukaan adalah mencukupi. Tapi dalam hal ini, kita melihat pada pembentukan masyarakat yang apa yang diperlukan adalah pembentukan ukhwah, ummah yang ada rasa hormat dan kasih yang amat kukuh didalam jiwa.
Dan ini saya katakan tidak boleh datang sekelip mata, kita sedar dalam membina perhubungan perlukan masa dan kesabaran. Tak ada sebab untuk kita katakan ia mustahil sebab kami di hostel telah pun berjaya buktikan, kalau tidak pun seutuh mana tapi rasa hormat yang tinggi ada dan sukar diruntuhkan.
Apa salahnya kalau kita duduk sekejap, bersembang, bertanya khabar misalnya. Main PS paling kurang ataupun main bola petang itu dengan mereka setidak-tidaknya. Apa sangat yang nak dikejarkan pada hari ahad dirumah, kan lebih seronok kalau berkumpul beramai-ramai.
Kenapa kita perlu gunakan perkataan Senior? Kan manusia diturunkan oleh Allah sebagai Khalifah, sebagai pemimpin bukannya sebagai senior. Khalifah memimpin melalui teladan, khalifah memimpin melalui rasional atas dasar dan landasan yang jelas dan bersih dari sebarang unsur-unsur lain.
Dulu saya suka sangat bila semua orang berkumpul, terasa macam dalam satu keluarga tapi sekarang semua dah bergaduh, kalau ada pun hormat, palsu belaka. Saya tak suka hidup dalam kepura-puraan. Cantik diluar tapi buruk didalam.
Memang dalam satu tandan pisang bukan semuanya busuk. Dari apa yang saya dengar, tak semua dipersoalkan ada sesetengah dari mereka dipuji lagi (Gmi misalnya). Tapi kerana nila setitik memang habis susu sebelangga. Logiknya, siapalah yang nak minum susu yang sudah berwarna biru?
Maaf jika penulisan ini keras dan tajam bunyinya. Tegurlah saya dengan hikmah jika saya melampaui batas tapi kalau ianya benar maka terimalah ia dgn hati terbuka. Kita semua manusia, kita sememangnya terlupa dan tugas kita tidak lain 'amar maaruf nahi mungkar'.
P/s: Bersabarlah kerana sabar itu cantik.
Isnin, Mac 27, 2006
hey! Isn't it suppose to be spring?
In case anyone who don't know what it is...Let me tell you...
This things is called ice...
So what's the big deal about it?
Because it doesnt suppose to be there especially when the temperature is already 10 degree celcius.
someone said to me that Russia is another world...well guess what? It is true and it is really true..hehe
P/s: still i am glad for the coming spring...hoping to see the first flower...hihi :)
Ahad, Mac 19, 2006
I just want to close my eyes...
If I want to describe my life with one word, I would say that it is all about competition. 24 hours, 7 days, 12 month and to some extend 6 year is fully surround with this kind of 'mutual' relationship.
You have to compete from a single little thing to very very large matter. You compete for a bathroom early in the morning, then you have to compete for a hot morning tea or coffee, just when you think you can relax, you have to compete for a taxi or bus or mashrut to class. Then you go to the class and you compete for a good impresion from your lecturer and hoping for a good mark in that class. After that, practical come and you want to compete to get a decent work from the nurse, everybody want to do the injection, no one want the work of delivering patient's card, nobody want to go to autoclave or sterilize room.Why is that?
If I'm allowed to scream out my feeling, I would like to yell "Why everything have to come with competition?!!"
Competition is good. People say they can get you to become a better person, a better man and of course in my context a better doctor but seriuosly I fell really uncomfortable with every day and every time of adrenalin rush. I can't breath and I feel so sick of it. The reality is all people don't have manners when they compete, they don't care if they take it from other people, they don't care who come first, who got it first and they don't even care that other people is hurt or angry with what they are doing.
But I think it is not because of the competition that made people that way. If I had a guees, I would try it on capitalism. Capitalism make people being so selfish, so individualistic that they do anything to get their means. Everybody want to be the best, to have the greatest popularity, to get the largest pile of money. Everything come with the 'est'. It is just everyone try to be at the top and alone.
You can say that I'm being too philosphical but I think a doctor must know how to treat and care. We must know how to care them and how to take care each other. Stop being someone that want everything for yourself. If you can't sacrifice a bit of yourself for the others then why bother jumping into this field and make other people feel misery.
These people see hole in other's person and take advantages from it. I hate this kind of people.
I wish I can walk with a sign at my forehead saying 'HANDLE WITH CARE'.Maybe it is my fault for being too weak but even after being hurt a lot, I can't even lift a hand to do the same thing. I dont know why. I wish I can but there's a lot that avoid me from doing it.
At the end, we have to figure out how to take care for ourselves.Well, I just want to do a good thing, to save other people lives, To become a good doctor. Am I asking to much during this time?
Then just when you feel so tired, you just say a prayer and close your eyes. Sometimes I think it is better to stay in the dark, because in the dark there's maybe fear but still there's also hope.
You have to compete from a single little thing to very very large matter. You compete for a bathroom early in the morning, then you have to compete for a hot morning tea or coffee, just when you think you can relax, you have to compete for a taxi or bus or mashrut to class. Then you go to the class and you compete for a good impresion from your lecturer and hoping for a good mark in that class. After that, practical come and you want to compete to get a decent work from the nurse, everybody want to do the injection, no one want the work of delivering patient's card, nobody want to go to autoclave or sterilize room.Why is that?
If I'm allowed to scream out my feeling, I would like to yell "Why everything have to come with competition?!!"
Competition is good. People say they can get you to become a better person, a better man and of course in my context a better doctor but seriuosly I fell really uncomfortable with every day and every time of adrenalin rush. I can't breath and I feel so sick of it. The reality is all people don't have manners when they compete, they don't care if they take it from other people, they don't care who come first, who got it first and they don't even care that other people is hurt or angry with what they are doing.
But I think it is not because of the competition that made people that way. If I had a guees, I would try it on capitalism. Capitalism make people being so selfish, so individualistic that they do anything to get their means. Everybody want to be the best, to have the greatest popularity, to get the largest pile of money. Everything come with the 'est'. It is just everyone try to be at the top and alone.
You can say that I'm being too philosphical but I think a doctor must know how to treat and care. We must know how to care them and how to take care each other. Stop being someone that want everything for yourself. If you can't sacrifice a bit of yourself for the others then why bother jumping into this field and make other people feel misery.
These people see hole in other's person and take advantages from it. I hate this kind of people.
I wish I can walk with a sign at my forehead saying 'HANDLE WITH CARE'.Maybe it is my fault for being too weak but even after being hurt a lot, I can't even lift a hand to do the same thing. I dont know why. I wish I can but there's a lot that avoid me from doing it.
At the end, we have to figure out how to take care for ourselves.Well, I just want to do a good thing, to save other people lives, To become a good doctor. Am I asking to much during this time?
Then just when you feel so tired, you just say a prayer and close your eyes. Sometimes I think it is better to stay in the dark, because in the dark there's maybe fear but still there's also hope.
Ahad, Mac 12, 2006
Really??Hihi...
| Your Heart Is Pink |
 In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't. Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time. Your flirting style: Coy Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant What you bring to relationships: Romance |
Let face the fact..No! I mean the reality...
Remember when you still a student been a lot of people who told you... that no matter how hard you learn but still learning is nothing to compare with what you have to do during your work.
I thought it is not completely true. Maybe there are some part of it which are not completely wrong but somehow we must also consider not to denied that it is vice versa.
Then I came to what I am now. The way of physician, along with the others whose medic become their style of life. Now here come another fact: in medic nothing you can do without your knowledge. Again nothing to deny, the are names of drugs that you have to remember, tons of disease you have to know, not to mention along with its treatment, oh not to forget the name of the part that you want to treat or to imply the drug.
Well considering this two fact, aren't it confusing enough?
I think this is why they called them as theory. Theory prove us eventhough it is fact but it is not always become the proof in everything.
Why I say such thing? Actually it all happened this week during our practical with the procedural nurse. We suppose to see how to do the injection, how to insert it and what is the procedure to we have to follow.
You can ask us anything. Most of them are already in our head. The solution, the type of syringe, the length of needle. You name it we give it to you.
But eventually the hardest time came when we been asked to do it. One of my friend came forward and took the challenge, first came the subcutaneus and gladly it went on without any complication 100 % like the book has said. Hehe but when it came to intramuscular, suddenly something happened. I don't know how to put this but what I can say, the needle don't went into the gluteus muscle(the buttock) instead it been repelled back. My friend tried it again but to no avail. Our nurse just smile to us and said "Nada rizka i vistra"(Need to be sharp and fast).
Everything is just according to the manual but what book doesn't tell us; is how to get ready to imply the fact, how to make sure that we are not afraid to do the procedure because unless you try it yourself, you experience it yourself, you can't actually say that you know everything.
Let's just not face the fact, let's also face the reality. Knowing is not enough, Seeing is not always believing until you experience it yourself, you do it yourself. Somehow I am so grateful that I learn medicine here in Russia where we can already practice on the real patient, feel the anxiety because doing it on that lifeless doll is different than the real patience and I bet being the real doctor is completely a different story....
Still I have nothing to fuss..just sharing my experience. I think it is me who have to do the injection next week....isk
I thought it is not completely true. Maybe there are some part of it which are not completely wrong but somehow we must also consider not to denied that it is vice versa.
Then I came to what I am now. The way of physician, along with the others whose medic become their style of life. Now here come another fact: in medic nothing you can do without your knowledge. Again nothing to deny, the are names of drugs that you have to remember, tons of disease you have to know, not to mention along with its treatment, oh not to forget the name of the part that you want to treat or to imply the drug.
Well considering this two fact, aren't it confusing enough?
I think this is why they called them as theory. Theory prove us eventhough it is fact but it is not always become the proof in everything.
Why I say such thing? Actually it all happened this week during our practical with the procedural nurse. We suppose to see how to do the injection, how to insert it and what is the procedure to we have to follow.
You can ask us anything. Most of them are already in our head. The solution, the type of syringe, the length of needle. You name it we give it to you.
But eventually the hardest time came when we been asked to do it. One of my friend came forward and took the challenge, first came the subcutaneus and gladly it went on without any complication 100 % like the book has said. Hehe but when it came to intramuscular, suddenly something happened. I don't know how to put this but what I can say, the needle don't went into the gluteus muscle(the buttock) instead it been repelled back. My friend tried it again but to no avail. Our nurse just smile to us and said "Nada rizka i vistra"(Need to be sharp and fast).
Everything is just according to the manual but what book doesn't tell us; is how to get ready to imply the fact, how to make sure that we are not afraid to do the procedure because unless you try it yourself, you experience it yourself, you can't actually say that you know everything.
Let's just not face the fact, let's also face the reality. Knowing is not enough, Seeing is not always believing until you experience it yourself, you do it yourself. Somehow I am so grateful that I learn medicine here in Russia where we can already practice on the real patient, feel the anxiety because doing it on that lifeless doll is different than the real patience and I bet being the real doctor is completely a different story....
Still I have nothing to fuss..just sharing my experience. I think it is me who have to do the injection next week....isk
Erm...never thought so...
| You Are Mud Pie |
 You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth Those who like you give into their impulses |
Sabtu, Februari 25, 2006
masak oh masak...
Semua orang boleh memasak.Ia memang tak boleh dinafikan. Walaupun masakan itu hanyalah sekadar telur goreng anda masih dikira sebagai tukang masak yang memasak satu masakan.
Semua orang kata saya tahu memasak, semua orang ingat saya selalu memasak. Tapi tak ramai pun yang tahu yang saya belajar memasak betul2 sebelum saya fly ke Russia. Betul! Saya tahu apa itu apa, betul-betul sebelum menjejakkan kaki ke sini. Saya mencuba tanpa memberitahu sesiapa pun yang itulah kali pertama saya memasak dan siapa sangka kadangkala ia berjaya.
Bagi sayalah memasak itu seronok tetapi nak menyediakan bahannya tu sedikit sakit. Lagi sakit kalau semuanya kita lakukan seorang diri.
Ia seterusnya membawa kita kepada cerita saya pada sem baru ini. Tak tahu apa yang berlaku tiba-tiba berlaku rombakan pada group makan kami: beberapa orang membuat keputusan untuk masak sendiri mengurangkan ahli yang sedia ada. Bila tengok ramai yang keluar saya sendiri rasa ada tendensi yang kuat nak keluar. Lagipun dah setahun lebih dah memasak, saya rasa yang saya mampu untuk masak sendiri.
Bukannya apa, sebab nya sangatlah jelas, pengurangan ahli akan menyebakan kami tak ada pilihan lain:samada memulakan cycle ataupun menetapkan setiap hari akan ada seorang yang akan masak secara SOLO. Sakitnya bila kita perlu memasak sorang-sorang. Kalau orangnya sedikit tak apa, tapi ini 8 orang dengan selera yang masya Allah dahsyatnya. You have to cook a pot full of rice then berlari-lari potong ayam yang perlu difrozekan dahulu, kupas dan potong bawang merah, bawang putih, halia yada2 Then kalau ada yang nak ditumbuk, digiling ker atau diblend kene settle dulu.Itu belum dikira dengan santan dgn remapahnya yang nak dicari.Then kene kacau pulak seperiuk besar makanan.Lepas tu, fikir pulak apa yang dibuat untuk second dish. Nak tak nak habis sahaja masak nak tak nak terus terlantar penat.
Tapi bak kata kawan saya "stay lah dalam group, dapur kita tu kecik, periuk belangga pun bukannya banyak kalau ramai yang memasak tambah semak je dapur tu, kalau ramai yang rajin mengemas tak apalah".
Jadi saya membuat keputusan untuk stay dalam group. Setelah dibincang-bincang akhirnya saya amik satu hari yang saya kira ok lar bagi saya. Kalau nak dikira teruk jugak, hari tu baru lepas ruski 3 jam yang sangat memenatkan, ditambah pula saya perlu kejar masa untk siap memasak sebelum sembahyang jemaah supaya semua dapat makan dan setelah habis semuanya saya kena pastikan yang saya masih ada tenaga untuk study Biochem yang perit dan tinggi darjah kesukarannya. Namun, memandangkan kelas kami yang balik paling awal hari tu dan saya rasakan kalau diberikan pada orang lain ia mungkin lebih sukar, saya rasakan sayalah yang boleh menyahut cabaran ini setiap minggu maka saya ambillah hari tersebut.
Ikhlas saya katakan setiap hari khamis, habis saja memasak saya penat yang keamatan. Harap2 alah bisa tegal biasa. Waktu tengah memasak tu, terbayang pula mak yang selama nih balik jer kerja terus je memasak agaknya macam nih agaknya penatnya.
Tapi macam mana pun bagi saya, kalau memasak kita tak boleh cincai. Ada ke benda yang kita nak makan kita buat semborono je. Bukan tak pernah saya masak tak jadi, tapi setiap kali orang komen saya ingat, setiap kali orang masak saya tengok dan bila saya masak, saya recall balik semua tu. Saya recall yang orang nih nak macam ni, orang nih kata macam ni, orang tu kata macam ni. Satu kepuasan bagi saya kalau masakan saya habis dan lagi bagus kalau ada orang kata sedap.
Tapi memasak bukannya mudah.Sebab itu bak kata mak saya kalau makanan itu sedap jangan lupa memuji tapi kalau ada kurangnya diamkan saja.
Saya rasa satu rasa hormat yang sangat tinggi perlu diberi kepada ibu2 baik suri rumah ataupun bekerja yang senantiasa setia memasak untuk keluarganya sebab walau penat manapun otak mereka berfikir atau otot mereka bekerja tapi masakan mereka tetap sedap, tepat dengan selera suami dan anak-anak.
Kalau nak tahu kenapa kadang-kadang bila kita tanya kat mak macam mana boleh masak sedap dan mak kita hana menjawab sengan senyuman. Mungkin inilah yang dikatakan 'Cooking with love' atau 'Memasak dengan kasih sayang'
Semua orang kata saya tahu memasak, semua orang ingat saya selalu memasak. Tapi tak ramai pun yang tahu yang saya belajar memasak betul2 sebelum saya fly ke Russia. Betul! Saya tahu apa itu apa, betul-betul sebelum menjejakkan kaki ke sini. Saya mencuba tanpa memberitahu sesiapa pun yang itulah kali pertama saya memasak dan siapa sangka kadangkala ia berjaya.
Bagi sayalah memasak itu seronok tetapi nak menyediakan bahannya tu sedikit sakit. Lagi sakit kalau semuanya kita lakukan seorang diri.
Ia seterusnya membawa kita kepada cerita saya pada sem baru ini. Tak tahu apa yang berlaku tiba-tiba berlaku rombakan pada group makan kami: beberapa orang membuat keputusan untuk masak sendiri mengurangkan ahli yang sedia ada. Bila tengok ramai yang keluar saya sendiri rasa ada tendensi yang kuat nak keluar. Lagipun dah setahun lebih dah memasak, saya rasa yang saya mampu untuk masak sendiri.
Bukannya apa, sebab nya sangatlah jelas, pengurangan ahli akan menyebakan kami tak ada pilihan lain:samada memulakan cycle ataupun menetapkan setiap hari akan ada seorang yang akan masak secara SOLO. Sakitnya bila kita perlu memasak sorang-sorang. Kalau orangnya sedikit tak apa, tapi ini 8 orang dengan selera yang masya Allah dahsyatnya. You have to cook a pot full of rice then berlari-lari potong ayam yang perlu difrozekan dahulu, kupas dan potong bawang merah, bawang putih, halia yada2 Then kalau ada yang nak ditumbuk, digiling ker atau diblend kene settle dulu.Itu belum dikira dengan santan dgn remapahnya yang nak dicari.Then kene kacau pulak seperiuk besar makanan.Lepas tu, fikir pulak apa yang dibuat untuk second dish. Nak tak nak habis sahaja masak nak tak nak terus terlantar penat.
Tapi bak kata kawan saya "stay lah dalam group, dapur kita tu kecik, periuk belangga pun bukannya banyak kalau ramai yang memasak tambah semak je dapur tu, kalau ramai yang rajin mengemas tak apalah".
Jadi saya membuat keputusan untuk stay dalam group. Setelah dibincang-bincang akhirnya saya amik satu hari yang saya kira ok lar bagi saya. Kalau nak dikira teruk jugak, hari tu baru lepas ruski 3 jam yang sangat memenatkan, ditambah pula saya perlu kejar masa untk siap memasak sebelum sembahyang jemaah supaya semua dapat makan dan setelah habis semuanya saya kena pastikan yang saya masih ada tenaga untuk study Biochem yang perit dan tinggi darjah kesukarannya. Namun, memandangkan kelas kami yang balik paling awal hari tu dan saya rasakan kalau diberikan pada orang lain ia mungkin lebih sukar, saya rasakan sayalah yang boleh menyahut cabaran ini setiap minggu maka saya ambillah hari tersebut.
Ikhlas saya katakan setiap hari khamis, habis saja memasak saya penat yang keamatan. Harap2 alah bisa tegal biasa. Waktu tengah memasak tu, terbayang pula mak yang selama nih balik jer kerja terus je memasak agaknya macam nih agaknya penatnya.
Tapi macam mana pun bagi saya, kalau memasak kita tak boleh cincai. Ada ke benda yang kita nak makan kita buat semborono je. Bukan tak pernah saya masak tak jadi, tapi setiap kali orang komen saya ingat, setiap kali orang masak saya tengok dan bila saya masak, saya recall balik semua tu. Saya recall yang orang nih nak macam ni, orang nih kata macam ni, orang tu kata macam ni. Satu kepuasan bagi saya kalau masakan saya habis dan lagi bagus kalau ada orang kata sedap.
Tapi memasak bukannya mudah.Sebab itu bak kata mak saya kalau makanan itu sedap jangan lupa memuji tapi kalau ada kurangnya diamkan saja.
Saya rasa satu rasa hormat yang sangat tinggi perlu diberi kepada ibu2 baik suri rumah ataupun bekerja yang senantiasa setia memasak untuk keluarganya sebab walau penat manapun otak mereka berfikir atau otot mereka bekerja tapi masakan mereka tetap sedap, tepat dengan selera suami dan anak-anak.
Kalau nak tahu kenapa kadang-kadang bila kita tanya kat mak macam mana boleh masak sedap dan mak kita hana menjawab sengan senyuman. Mungkin inilah yang dikatakan 'Cooking with love' atau 'Memasak dengan kasih sayang'
Rabu, Februari 15, 2006
I will continue to fight..
Dobra Pazhalavat..welcome second semester!
Well what do you know? without even knowing it, we already come to the next level.
While life goes by, some people can't even come with a decent idea why they want to stay in this road. Ironically, the excuses to give out, the voice to let it go just come out so easily. But I think it is normal. I mean, why not?it just as if they(people around us) make it hard on purpose.
But still...if life is that hard why we bring more trouble to ourselves .What's wrong with us pushing the self destruct button?
Different people confront it with different way. Mostly depend on their creativity. Some people change their group, some people change their lecturer, some people change their timetable while the rest...they just pray for the best.
To say mine is better than them,it might not be true. This sem I have Friday that finishes at 6 o'clock not to consider on the day before I already have Russian for 3 hours and to make thing worse,on the Saturday when other student in the other place can wake up late and have thier time out, I have to go for a lecture in 8 am and finish late at 4.50 pm. You think don't we try to make thing better like everyone else?we did actually but it seems that they have no room to make it happens.
As for me. I prefer to hold my faith in Allah and believe that everything come with hikmah.I just remembered that a Greek sophist had also said something about this. He said "about anything we can say absolutely equal right idea"
Stop thinking it is not fair. As if other people think that thiers is fair now or before.
Stop thinking that it is hard as if others is always easy.
Because...whether we want it or not we have responsibilities; to our God, family, society, nation, and even to ourselves.
I don't know why people put things off. My guess is fear. Fear is like misery, It love companion. It is like a tumour, the longer we keep it to ourselves, the more it grows inside us.
Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection.
The only thing that we can do is to be brave.
Well actually it seem to be the only remedy to this fatal disease.
We have to make our own mistake and learn form it. We have to sweep today's possibility and keep trying, even it us hurt, even we have to deal with a lot of pain,even if we fall or maybe fail...
until tommorow come, until we can't anymore, until we finally understood what Benjamin Franklin meant...
"That knowing is better than wondering"
In case anyone don't know, he was actually the one who invent electricity.
Whatever it seem, it is better than sleeping and doing nothing and that even the biggest failure, even the most unforgetable mistake beat the hell worth of never tiring.
Wait! what is the question?
Why we keep hurting ourselves?
I think it is because it feels so good when it stop...
Well what do you know? without even knowing it, we already come to the next level.
While life goes by, some people can't even come with a decent idea why they want to stay in this road. Ironically, the excuses to give out, the voice to let it go just come out so easily. But I think it is normal. I mean, why not?it just as if they(people around us) make it hard on purpose.
But still...if life is that hard why we bring more trouble to ourselves .What's wrong with us pushing the self destruct button?
Different people confront it with different way. Mostly depend on their creativity. Some people change their group, some people change their lecturer, some people change their timetable while the rest...they just pray for the best.
To say mine is better than them,it might not be true. This sem I have Friday that finishes at 6 o'clock not to consider on the day before I already have Russian for 3 hours and to make thing worse,on the Saturday when other student in the other place can wake up late and have thier time out, I have to go for a lecture in 8 am and finish late at 4.50 pm. You think don't we try to make thing better like everyone else?we did actually but it seems that they have no room to make it happens.
As for me. I prefer to hold my faith in Allah and believe that everything come with hikmah.I just remembered that a Greek sophist had also said something about this. He said "about anything we can say absolutely equal right idea"
Stop thinking it is not fair. As if other people think that thiers is fair now or before.
Stop thinking that it is hard as if others is always easy.
Because...whether we want it or not we have responsibilities; to our God, family, society, nation, and even to ourselves.
I don't know why people put things off. My guess is fear. Fear is like misery, It love companion. It is like a tumour, the longer we keep it to ourselves, the more it grows inside us.
Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection.
The only thing that we can do is to be brave.
Well actually it seem to be the only remedy to this fatal disease.
We have to make our own mistake and learn form it. We have to sweep today's possibility and keep trying, even it us hurt, even we have to deal with a lot of pain,even if we fall or maybe fail...
until tommorow come, until we can't anymore, until we finally understood what Benjamin Franklin meant...
"That knowing is better than wondering"
In case anyone don't know, he was actually the one who invent electricity.
Whatever it seem, it is better than sleeping and doing nothing and that even the biggest failure, even the most unforgetable mistake beat the hell worth of never tiring.
Wait! what is the question?
Why we keep hurting ourselves?
I think it is because it feels so good when it stop...
Jumaat, Februari 10, 2006
Grasiaz! Espana....
everybody had already update their blog, pouring everything about their sweet memory during their holiday and I'm still staring at the monitor lazy to even lift my finger to type anything.
Well to talk about spain, I really think it has to do with a lot of word. To compare it with Russia;I done it with just smiling with no word to say.
Spain is just wonderfull. I was walking there and I can't stop my leg from move. All of their places; Puerta de sol, Palacio de Real, Estadio Santiago Bernabeu(real madrid's stadium, La Ventas(Bull Fighting stadium, Parque(that have the monument of Fallen angel) atocha station, their railway station that have garden inside the railway station, The plaza mayor, plaza colon and the list still go on. Oh ya!not to forget in barcelona the barrier gothic(for one who fancy the novel Da Vinci Code,the proof is there)and the Sagrada Familia(a building which bulid just on donation that start from 1864 that will not finished until 2030) To see the art of architecture display by their famous architect Gaudi and The undescribeable Picasso just make me mesmerize eventhough I came from a course that have almost no knowledge to interprete an art. I mean just see te Casa de Mila and all the other casa. You keep wondering how Gaudi did come with such idea.
I will not forget to describe about all the Spanish. They were all nice and good people. Ready to help you when needed. Never scold you if you can't understand what they say. Understand that we are english spoken tourist. Never push us at Metro and even ask for forgiveness to get a way and say thank you when you give them a way. Really, it just a totally civilised country. You want to compare it with Russian? well it was totally overated.
Last but not least...Shopping!!!You can say that spain is shopping heaven for Zara's brand. There they have a least four floor with a complete variety of choice not to mention that it come with a low price. Compare it with the ones in Malaysia...well I guess this is what we call a wise costumer buy quality things at the best times. I guess the time has come for me to buy a branded clothes but with a really reasonable price..
A week that passed is a wonderful week. I just can't keep it out of my head. To come back to a totally different country, it just make me want to cry but at least I come with a new energy to go for another sem. Well if not because of the bad times the good times won't seem that good rite?
Well to talk about spain, I really think it has to do with a lot of word. To compare it with Russia;I done it with just smiling with no word to say.
Spain is just wonderfull. I was walking there and I can't stop my leg from move. All of their places; Puerta de sol, Palacio de Real, Estadio Santiago Bernabeu(real madrid's stadium, La Ventas(Bull Fighting stadium, Parque(that have the monument of Fallen angel) atocha station, their railway station that have garden inside the railway station, The plaza mayor, plaza colon and the list still go on. Oh ya!not to forget in barcelona the barrier gothic(for one who fancy the novel Da Vinci Code,the proof is there)and the Sagrada Familia(a building which bulid just on donation that start from 1864 that will not finished until 2030) To see the art of architecture display by their famous architect Gaudi and The undescribeable Picasso just make me mesmerize eventhough I came from a course that have almost no knowledge to interprete an art. I mean just see te Casa de Mila and all the other casa. You keep wondering how Gaudi did come with such idea.
I will not forget to describe about all the Spanish. They were all nice and good people. Ready to help you when needed. Never scold you if you can't understand what they say. Understand that we are english spoken tourist. Never push us at Metro and even ask for forgiveness to get a way and say thank you when you give them a way. Really, it just a totally civilised country. You want to compare it with Russian? well it was totally overated.
Last but not least...Shopping!!!You can say that spain is shopping heaven for Zara's brand. There they have a least four floor with a complete variety of choice not to mention that it come with a low price. Compare it with the ones in Malaysia...well I guess this is what we call a wise costumer buy quality things at the best times. I guess the time has come for me to buy a branded clothes but with a really reasonable price..
A week that passed is a wonderful week. I just can't keep it out of my head. To come back to a totally different country, it just make me want to cry but at least I come with a new energy to go for another sem. Well if not because of the bad times the good times won't seem that good rite?
Isnin, Januari 23, 2006
Dean List
Dean list atau dalam bahasa melayunya Anugerah Dekan atau sinonimnya dalam bahasa russianya Atlichnik.Inilah anugerah yang dikejar-kejar dan diimpikan oleh kebanyakan mahasiswa-mahasiswa kini.
Ini ditambah pula dengan keadaan sedia ada pelajar-pelajar yang dibentuk daripada acuan sistem pendidikan Malaysia yang tanpa disedari telah pun menjurus kepada berorientasikan peperiksaan meskipun silibus dan kaedah pengajaran telah pun berkali-kali dirombak.
Mungkin cakapnya tak mahu, tapi dihati meronta-ronta meminta. Mereka semua nak sebenarnya... tapi yelah saja malu nak cakap.
Keadaannya umpama api yang dikecil disimbah pula dengan minyak petrol. Sudah pastilah keadaannya semakin marak.
Tapi siapa yang sangka dalam course medic akan diwujudkan anugeah ini.
Walaubagaimanapun inilah hakikat yang berlaku di seluruh universiti perubatan di Russia.
Lebih hebat dari itu dean list atau atlichnik disini diberi kepada mereka yang memperolehi markah 5(perfect mark) dalam kesemua ujian yang mereka hadapi dalam semester tersebut.
Tidak cukup dengan itu, atlichnik datang dgn tiga peringkat mengikut kekerapan mereka mendapat anugerah tersebut. Darjah pertama (pervi stepen) yang mana merupakan darjah tertinggi hanya akan diberikan kepada mereka yang mendapat tiga semester berturut-turut anugerah tersebut.
Hipokritlah kalau saya katakan yang saya tidak mengimpikan anugerah tersebut, tipulah kalau saya katakan yang tak merasa apa-apa melihat kawan-kawan lain beratur menaiki pentas,berjabat tangan dengan rektor, menerima hadiah(walaupun tak seberapa), dan akhirnya bergambar beramai-ramai. Sedangkan saya pada waktu itu hanya bertepuk tangan dan berkata pada diri sendiri atau mungkin pada orang lain "Penatnya tepuk tangan" atau mungkin "Alah..tak ada apa sangat benda tu"
Sebagai bekas didikan sistem pendidikan Malaysia yang merasakan betapa bangganya menaiki pentas, betapa pentingnya straight 'A's, betapa indahnya dan cantiknya markah sempurna itu. Betapa tingginya pujian jika punyai anugerah. Sudah pasti ada rasa untuk merasakan anugerah itu berada di tangan.
Saya pasti dan berani jamin setiap orang ada pahatan kukuh dalam jiwa tentang perkara ini. Lebih-lebih lagilah pelajar-pelajar yang menerima biasiswa yang pastinya handal-handal, mantap-mantap atau apa yang masyarakat katakan sebagai 'The cream of society'.
Bukan salah sesiapa sebenarnya, dan bukan senang juga perkara ini hendak dihilangkan. Bukannya mengambil masa seminggu atau sebulan perkara perkara ini boleh luput dari jiwa mereka.
Tapi bak kata saya winter examination kali ini bawa banyak makna pada saya. Bagaimana pentingnya atlichnik ini dan betapa sebaliknya atlichnik ini bawa makna yang kosong sebenarnya.
Cerita 1: Seorang mahasiswi perempuan India yang belum pernah mendapat selain 5 dalam peperiksaannya merayu pada dekan supaya memberikannya markah 5 setelah mendapati untuk exam pada kali itu dia tidak berjaya lebih daripada 4.Semata-mata untuk mempertahankan pangkat satunya
Cerita 2:Bagaimana tenangnya seorang pelajar lelaki Malaysia yang sememangnya orang lain jangkakan tidak akan mendapat selain daripada 5 dengan mendapat markah 4 dalam exam philosophy satu exam yang orang juga jangkakan tidak akan layak menerima selain daripada 5. Seterusnya memecahkan rekod pangkat satunya.
Analisis saya: saya cukup tak suka dgn cerita pertama, redha bagi saya amat penting. Berjaya atau tidak adalah dua perkara yg sama dan kita tk boleh harap yang kita hanya menerima satu drpdnya seumur hidup. Kalau pun kakak tu berjaya dapat lima tapi maruah itu sudah tidak ada,ketinggian ilmu itu sudah hilang. Apa lagi yang tinggal? Sijil yang boleh ke dibawa mati?
Untuk cerita 2 pula,Ikhlasnya, saya telah belajar sesuatu. Betapa membuktikan yang kalau pun tak mendapat 5, tak semestinya kita tidak pandai dan setelah melihat betapa tenangnya abang tadi menghadapinya, seolah-olah bertambah penghormatan dan harga dirinya. Kalaupun bagi orang lain tidak tapi bagi saya ya.
Jujur saya katakan, untuk saya menghilangkan rasa keinginan untuk mendapat atlichnik ini, mungkin jalannya bukan singkat dan mungkin jauh lagi. Tapi dalam perjalanan itu saya cuba kurangkan rasa sedih kalau tak mendapatnya dan tanamkan niat bahawa belajar ini adalah kerana ilmu bukannya kerana anugerah tersebut.
Doa saya agar ilmu ini diberkati Allah, dan berguna pada saya dan orang lain. Biarkan hati kecil masih degil tapi minda dan diri ini akan dicuba untuk tegas.
Ini ditambah pula dengan keadaan sedia ada pelajar-pelajar yang dibentuk daripada acuan sistem pendidikan Malaysia yang tanpa disedari telah pun menjurus kepada berorientasikan peperiksaan meskipun silibus dan kaedah pengajaran telah pun berkali-kali dirombak.
Mungkin cakapnya tak mahu, tapi dihati meronta-ronta meminta. Mereka semua nak sebenarnya... tapi yelah saja malu nak cakap.
Keadaannya umpama api yang dikecil disimbah pula dengan minyak petrol. Sudah pastilah keadaannya semakin marak.
Tapi siapa yang sangka dalam course medic akan diwujudkan anugeah ini.
Walaubagaimanapun inilah hakikat yang berlaku di seluruh universiti perubatan di Russia.
Lebih hebat dari itu dean list atau atlichnik disini diberi kepada mereka yang memperolehi markah 5(perfect mark) dalam kesemua ujian yang mereka hadapi dalam semester tersebut.
Tidak cukup dengan itu, atlichnik datang dgn tiga peringkat mengikut kekerapan mereka mendapat anugerah tersebut. Darjah pertama (pervi stepen) yang mana merupakan darjah tertinggi hanya akan diberikan kepada mereka yang mendapat tiga semester berturut-turut anugerah tersebut.
Hipokritlah kalau saya katakan yang saya tidak mengimpikan anugerah tersebut, tipulah kalau saya katakan yang tak merasa apa-apa melihat kawan-kawan lain beratur menaiki pentas,berjabat tangan dengan rektor, menerima hadiah(walaupun tak seberapa), dan akhirnya bergambar beramai-ramai. Sedangkan saya pada waktu itu hanya bertepuk tangan dan berkata pada diri sendiri atau mungkin pada orang lain "Penatnya tepuk tangan" atau mungkin "Alah..tak ada apa sangat benda tu"
Sebagai bekas didikan sistem pendidikan Malaysia yang merasakan betapa bangganya menaiki pentas, betapa pentingnya straight 'A's, betapa indahnya dan cantiknya markah sempurna itu. Betapa tingginya pujian jika punyai anugerah. Sudah pasti ada rasa untuk merasakan anugerah itu berada di tangan.
Saya pasti dan berani jamin setiap orang ada pahatan kukuh dalam jiwa tentang perkara ini. Lebih-lebih lagilah pelajar-pelajar yang menerima biasiswa yang pastinya handal-handal, mantap-mantap atau apa yang masyarakat katakan sebagai 'The cream of society'.
Bukan salah sesiapa sebenarnya, dan bukan senang juga perkara ini hendak dihilangkan. Bukannya mengambil masa seminggu atau sebulan perkara perkara ini boleh luput dari jiwa mereka.
Tapi bak kata saya winter examination kali ini bawa banyak makna pada saya. Bagaimana pentingnya atlichnik ini dan betapa sebaliknya atlichnik ini bawa makna yang kosong sebenarnya.
Cerita 1: Seorang mahasiswi perempuan India yang belum pernah mendapat selain 5 dalam peperiksaannya merayu pada dekan supaya memberikannya markah 5 setelah mendapati untuk exam pada kali itu dia tidak berjaya lebih daripada 4.Semata-mata untuk mempertahankan pangkat satunya
Cerita 2:Bagaimana tenangnya seorang pelajar lelaki Malaysia yang sememangnya orang lain jangkakan tidak akan mendapat selain daripada 5 dengan mendapat markah 4 dalam exam philosophy satu exam yang orang juga jangkakan tidak akan layak menerima selain daripada 5. Seterusnya memecahkan rekod pangkat satunya.
Analisis saya: saya cukup tak suka dgn cerita pertama, redha bagi saya amat penting. Berjaya atau tidak adalah dua perkara yg sama dan kita tk boleh harap yang kita hanya menerima satu drpdnya seumur hidup. Kalau pun kakak tu berjaya dapat lima tapi maruah itu sudah tidak ada,ketinggian ilmu itu sudah hilang. Apa lagi yang tinggal? Sijil yang boleh ke dibawa mati?
Untuk cerita 2 pula,Ikhlasnya, saya telah belajar sesuatu. Betapa membuktikan yang kalau pun tak mendapat 5, tak semestinya kita tidak pandai dan setelah melihat betapa tenangnya abang tadi menghadapinya, seolah-olah bertambah penghormatan dan harga dirinya. Kalaupun bagi orang lain tidak tapi bagi saya ya.
Jujur saya katakan, untuk saya menghilangkan rasa keinginan untuk mendapat atlichnik ini, mungkin jalannya bukan singkat dan mungkin jauh lagi. Tapi dalam perjalanan itu saya cuba kurangkan rasa sedih kalau tak mendapatnya dan tanamkan niat bahawa belajar ini adalah kerana ilmu bukannya kerana anugerah tersebut.
Doa saya agar ilmu ini diberkati Allah, dan berguna pada saya dan orang lain. Biarkan hati kecil masih degil tapi minda dan diri ini akan dicuba untuk tegas.
Sabtu, Januari 21, 2006
At Last..Freedom
I don't know how I'm going to describe this feeling, it is just so magnificient, fantastic with the endless joy.
Like one of my friend said...
"You feel relief as if before this you had to hold the world on your shoulder and now your shift is over and you can let it go..."
I really want to tell everyting about my exam. For me this year's winter examination really meant something. In spite the exams were histology and anatomy which are the very basic essential foundation knowledge for a future doctor but behind this gigantic exam lies the very truth that nobody else relies about it other than me.
I really don't know where to start but I think it is better to start during the night before the examination. That time only Allah knew how restless I became. The image is still vivid in my mind. I try to sleep but in vain. The only thing that cross through my head was all the fact like all the network of artery, veins or even nerves. 10 minutes later I could even hear every single sound in the room; the clock's ticking, the water ran in the heater and even the sound my roomate grinded his teeth during his sleep.
At last I gave up, I woked up and wandered in the corridor. Coincidencely, Helmi just went out from his room headed to the bathroom. He looked at me, smiled and said:
"If you can't sleep try to pray..."
I decided to follow his advice. Actually during that time I thought that I would take any advice as I need to sleep early, the clock has already shown 3 o'clock and of course I got an important examination on the other day.
I performed solah tahajud, taubat and hajat(no sense of riak here..astagfirullah). On the end of my prayer I ask for Allah to make it easy for me tommorow, to open the door of Rahmat upon me, One thing that made me really confident about this because I was really sure and believed that Only Allah has the power to control every human's heart.
On the both day of the examination, I did see the truth been prevailed to me as everything been simplified.
For instance;during the histology's examination, while other students still prepared their answers I already been called by the professor who happened to be my lecterur and also been asked question which I really familiar with. I could even answer a mathematical question about length of muscle after contraction even though I never admit that I am any good in math and in less than 20 minute after that I finished my examination and went out from the examination hall.
The same thing happened during anatomy's exam. I got question asking the general concept of anatomy which I think even a primary school can answer it.On my second question about rectum, I answered all the arteries, their anastomoses, the veins, the location, the realtionship of rectum with other organ without any mistake. Out of my belief the same thing happened to my third question, not to mention that I have a chart displaying the artery of hand which is whatthe third question was all about and what do you know it was just in front of me.
You can call it as luck, or maybe it is just my feeling or maybe that I have study enough but I prefer to believe in Allah. I really believe that everything had been simplified to me and of course nobody had the power to engage in all of this axcept Allah. I mean really who else can even give the idea to my examiner to ask me about question that I knew, or even to make the right answer cross my mind not to mention that there are not less than 8000 terminology in anatomy that we have to know.
While other people maybe been really happy to be included in the dean list. For me it is more than that. Like what I said earlier I learnt something from this winter examination.
My Last word is... Never lose your faith even you think everything is impossible...
Like one of my friend said...
"You feel relief as if before this you had to hold the world on your shoulder and now your shift is over and you can let it go..."
I really want to tell everyting about my exam. For me this year's winter examination really meant something. In spite the exams were histology and anatomy which are the very basic essential foundation knowledge for a future doctor but behind this gigantic exam lies the very truth that nobody else relies about it other than me.
I really don't know where to start but I think it is better to start during the night before the examination. That time only Allah knew how restless I became. The image is still vivid in my mind. I try to sleep but in vain. The only thing that cross through my head was all the fact like all the network of artery, veins or even nerves. 10 minutes later I could even hear every single sound in the room; the clock's ticking, the water ran in the heater and even the sound my roomate grinded his teeth during his sleep.
At last I gave up, I woked up and wandered in the corridor. Coincidencely, Helmi just went out from his room headed to the bathroom. He looked at me, smiled and said:
"If you can't sleep try to pray..."
I decided to follow his advice. Actually during that time I thought that I would take any advice as I need to sleep early, the clock has already shown 3 o'clock and of course I got an important examination on the other day.
I performed solah tahajud, taubat and hajat(no sense of riak here..astagfirullah). On the end of my prayer I ask for Allah to make it easy for me tommorow, to open the door of Rahmat upon me, One thing that made me really confident about this because I was really sure and believed that Only Allah has the power to control every human's heart.
On the both day of the examination, I did see the truth been prevailed to me as everything been simplified.
For instance;during the histology's examination, while other students still prepared their answers I already been called by the professor who happened to be my lecterur and also been asked question which I really familiar with. I could even answer a mathematical question about length of muscle after contraction even though I never admit that I am any good in math and in less than 20 minute after that I finished my examination and went out from the examination hall.
The same thing happened during anatomy's exam. I got question asking the general concept of anatomy which I think even a primary school can answer it.On my second question about rectum, I answered all the arteries, their anastomoses, the veins, the location, the realtionship of rectum with other organ without any mistake. Out of my belief the same thing happened to my third question, not to mention that I have a chart displaying the artery of hand which is whatthe third question was all about and what do you know it was just in front of me.
You can call it as luck, or maybe it is just my feeling or maybe that I have study enough but I prefer to believe in Allah. I really believe that everything had been simplified to me and of course nobody had the power to engage in all of this axcept Allah. I mean really who else can even give the idea to my examiner to ask me about question that I knew, or even to make the right answer cross my mind not to mention that there are not less than 8000 terminology in anatomy that we have to know.
While other people maybe been really happy to be included in the dean list. For me it is more than that. Like what I said earlier I learnt something from this winter examination.
My Last word is... Never lose your faith even you think everything is impossible...
Rabu, Januari 11, 2006
My Last Sprint
I quote from the famous book of Gray's anatomy:
each ovary presents a lateral and a medial surface, an upper or tubal and a lower or uterine extremity, and an anterior or mesovarion and a posterior free border. It lies in a shallow depression, named the ovarian fossa, on the lateral wall of the pelvis; this fossa is bounded above by the external iliac vessels, in front by the obliterated umbilical artery, and behind by the ureter.'
Last year, there was a question about FOSSA OVARIA during anatomy examination asked by the head of the department. This is really a haunted question to all of us, this question had just failed an excellent student and make the rest felt so terrified just to enter the examniation hall.
Nobody found the answer for this question. Today, I accidently search it on internet and found this....
What that suppose to mean?
Another 2 day before histology's exam and 4 day afterward for the anatomy's.
Ya Allah please make it easy for me.
each ovary presents a lateral and a medial surface, an upper or tubal and a lower or uterine extremity, and an anterior or mesovarion and a posterior free border. It lies in a shallow depression, named the ovarian fossa, on the lateral wall of the pelvis; this fossa is bounded above by the external iliac vessels, in front by the obliterated umbilical artery, and behind by the ureter.'
Last year, there was a question about FOSSA OVARIA during anatomy examination asked by the head of the department. This is really a haunted question to all of us, this question had just failed an excellent student and make the rest felt so terrified just to enter the examniation hall.
Nobody found the answer for this question. Today, I accidently search it on internet and found this....
What that suppose to mean?
Another 2 day before histology's exam and 4 day afterward for the anatomy's.
Ya Allah please make it easy for me.
Khamis, Disember 22, 2005
Breath again...
It feel so tired just to talk about study, boring enough just to discuss about study. I mean really..who want to read this blog if it is filled nothing other than study...
But what can i say.this is the route that I have to go through if I want to become a doctor. For doctors... knowledge is the power for them to create miracle. Patience is their shield and thier bare hand is the only weapon.
This week during my physiology class, my lecturer suddenly said something to us
"tolka maladoi vrach gavarit shto ya znayu bcyeh, starshi vrach ni tak...ani vsigda uchit"(only young doctor say that I know everyting, senior doctor is not like that...they always learn"
To all doctor wannabe out there, bear in mind. You must be really patient...not only now but also when you'll jump into this profession. I you have limits in yourself, overcome those limits.
To be scold, to be ignored.I think it has been quite a routine for us.
Just a few week more before the anatomy's and histology's exam. Just finish all the concluding, just finish the practical, now collecting all lecturers' signature...
Let me breath for a while..
One thing tht I learnt this year is how to keep your smile in any circurmstances that you r in. How to treat all the patient with pleasure, tell them nothing serious had just happen...
again let me breath for a while....
But what can i say.this is the route that I have to go through if I want to become a doctor. For doctors... knowledge is the power for them to create miracle. Patience is their shield and thier bare hand is the only weapon.
This week during my physiology class, my lecturer suddenly said something to us
"tolka maladoi vrach gavarit shto ya znayu bcyeh, starshi vrach ni tak...ani vsigda uchit"(only young doctor say that I know everyting, senior doctor is not like that...they always learn"
To all doctor wannabe out there, bear in mind. You must be really patient...not only now but also when you'll jump into this profession. I you have limits in yourself, overcome those limits.
To be scold, to be ignored.I think it has been quite a routine for us.
Just a few week more before the anatomy's and histology's exam. Just finish all the concluding, just finish the practical, now collecting all lecturers' signature...
Let me breath for a while..
One thing tht I learnt this year is how to keep your smile in any circurmstances that you r in. How to treat all the patient with pleasure, tell them nothing serious had just happen...
again let me breath for a while....
Selasa, Disember 13, 2005
Sayang dan Cinta...
Assalamualaikum...
sayang dan cinta..Apa agaknya respon kebanyakan orang bila berkata tentang dua perkara ini. Malu?Geli? atau bagaimana?
Ada orang dua perkara ini sama sahaja tak ada pun yang bezakan...
Apa kata kalau kita bezakan.Sayang dan Cinta... Bila masa dan kepada siapa kita nak gunakan ayat ini..?
Physiologically...sayang dan cinta mungkin datang dari pathway yang sama...berasal dari limbic system.Banyak perkara yang boleh digerakkan dari dua perkara nih...mungkin dek kerana sayang atau cinta ia boleh menaikkan kandungan Dopamine di receptor D3 dopaminergic yang seterusnya menyebabkan motivation yang daripada itu bersambung ke neocortex yang mana disini ia mungkin bercabang semula melihat apa niat asal sayang dan cinta itu.
Dek kerana dua perkara ini juga dia boleh inhibit rasa takut yang di stimulate di amygdaloid body ataupun induce rasa anxiety yang disebabkan oleh kenaikan pengaliran darah dikedua-dua temporal lobe.
Cukup tentang medic..Berbalik kepada soalan asal..
Ada orang jawab soalan cepat sangat, ada orang pula fikir lama sedikit...ada orang tak terjawab pun soalan nih...
Lupakan tentang orang lain. Bagi saya dua perkara tak sesusah mana nak diertikan..
Sayang...bila kita katakan kita sayang orang itu..bermakna kita dah berikan perhatian kita kepada orang itu,kita sentiasa berharap yang terbaik untuk orang itu.
Cinta..bermaksud kesetiaan, kita cuba sedaya upaya unuk gembirakan hati orang itu, takkan lakukan perkara yang buat orang itu marah, malah cinta datang dgn tanggungjawab...
Dalam cinta selalunya perlu ada sayang..tapi sayang tak semestinya perlu ada cinta...
Cinta adalah kepada Allah, Rasul, agama, ibu bapa, keluarga(suami isteri,adik beradik, anak,),negara..dan seterusnya...
maka dengan itu tak salah kalau kita kita nak cakap klu kita sayang kepada benda-benda yang lain yang kita berikan perhatian....kalau kita berikan perhatian satu benda basikal kita, ataupun result exam kita bermakna kita sayangkan perkara itu...Kalau kita sayang pada kucing kta misalnya kita berikan perhatian pada kucing itu kan..bagi dia makan minum, tempat tidur, main dgn dia supaya dia at least hidup dgn gembira.
Malah tak salah pun kalau kita nak cakap kalau kita sayangkan kawan kita kan???kalau kita berikan perhatian tentang mereka, nakkan mereka jadi orang yang baik..
Itu pendapat saya..tak tahu macam mana org lain...
Tapi apa2pun landasannya perlu jelas, niat perlu ikhlas..lillahi kerana Allah swt.
sayang dan cinta..Apa agaknya respon kebanyakan orang bila berkata tentang dua perkara ini. Malu?Geli? atau bagaimana?
Ada orang dua perkara ini sama sahaja tak ada pun yang bezakan...
Apa kata kalau kita bezakan.Sayang dan Cinta... Bila masa dan kepada siapa kita nak gunakan ayat ini..?
Physiologically...sayang dan cinta mungkin datang dari pathway yang sama...berasal dari limbic system.Banyak perkara yang boleh digerakkan dari dua perkara nih...mungkin dek kerana sayang atau cinta ia boleh menaikkan kandungan Dopamine di receptor D3 dopaminergic yang seterusnya menyebabkan motivation yang daripada itu bersambung ke neocortex yang mana disini ia mungkin bercabang semula melihat apa niat asal sayang dan cinta itu.
Dek kerana dua perkara ini juga dia boleh inhibit rasa takut yang di stimulate di amygdaloid body ataupun induce rasa anxiety yang disebabkan oleh kenaikan pengaliran darah dikedua-dua temporal lobe.
Cukup tentang medic..Berbalik kepada soalan asal..
Ada orang jawab soalan cepat sangat, ada orang pula fikir lama sedikit...ada orang tak terjawab pun soalan nih...
Lupakan tentang orang lain. Bagi saya dua perkara tak sesusah mana nak diertikan..
Sayang...bila kita katakan kita sayang orang itu..bermakna kita dah berikan perhatian kita kepada orang itu,kita sentiasa berharap yang terbaik untuk orang itu.
Cinta..bermaksud kesetiaan, kita cuba sedaya upaya unuk gembirakan hati orang itu, takkan lakukan perkara yang buat orang itu marah, malah cinta datang dgn tanggungjawab...
Dalam cinta selalunya perlu ada sayang..tapi sayang tak semestinya perlu ada cinta...
Cinta adalah kepada Allah, Rasul, agama, ibu bapa, keluarga(suami isteri,adik beradik, anak,),negara..dan seterusnya...
maka dengan itu tak salah kalau kita kita nak cakap klu kita sayang kepada benda-benda yang lain yang kita berikan perhatian....kalau kita berikan perhatian satu benda basikal kita, ataupun result exam kita bermakna kita sayangkan perkara itu...Kalau kita sayang pada kucing kta misalnya kita berikan perhatian pada kucing itu kan..bagi dia makan minum, tempat tidur, main dgn dia supaya dia at least hidup dgn gembira.
Malah tak salah pun kalau kita nak cakap kalau kita sayangkan kawan kita kan???kalau kita berikan perhatian tentang mereka, nakkan mereka jadi orang yang baik..
Itu pendapat saya..tak tahu macam mana org lain...
Tapi apa2pun landasannya perlu jelas, niat perlu ikhlas..lillahi kerana Allah swt.
Isnin, Disember 05, 2005
Seni Bina Russia..
Kami kene belajar russia history wktu 2nd year..sincerely I never show any affinity towards this subject..alhamdullilah cikgunya bagus sekali..setiap kali kelas tunjuk gambar, poskad, bawa bahan2 mmg betul2 menepati tujuan Russian history diajar kepada foreign student; supaya memberi pendedahan ttg budaya dan mengenal masyarakat russia itu sendiri...
Kalau ada sesiapa wondering kenapa agaknya bangunan di russia esp thier churh and cathederal really similar to islamic achitecture...Sebenarnya ikut apa yang saya belajar daripada russian history seni bina yang ada di Russia atau lebih tepatnya bangsa Slav(etnik asal orang Russia) ini adalah gabungan dua sumber;Byzantine dan Russia. Dengan erti kata yang lain seni bina di Russia adalah gabungan byk budaya.. Macam the famous St.Basil's Cathderal dekat Moscow . Kalau nak tahu St.Basil Cathderal disiap wktu Ivan the terrible...disiapkan dlm jangka masa yang sangat singkat sebab Tsar wktu tu is so terrible...
St.Basil Cathderal tak ikut rupa bentuk typical russian cathedral..Normaly other churche ikut seni bina St.Sophias' Cathderal yang dbina dgn white stone di Kiev(Capital of Old Russian State during period of Slav Tribe)Sekarng ni Kiev dah jadi capital of Ukraine..dah berpisah pun dr Russia..
Bsd this... other unique architecture yang ada kat russia nih adalah seni ukir kayu mereka.. sekarang nih dah susah sikit nak tengok dah. zaman dulu this kind of architecture dibuat oleh orang-orang kaya dan churches utama sahaja...
Macam mana pulak tentang masjid di Russia...Cantik juga considering that islam is not the main religion here...Alhamdulilah...salah satu contohnya Masjid di St.peterburg nih...Terselah jg seni2 keislaman nya..ada indentiti sendiri..Cerita tentang masjid tahun nih kan Raihan ada datang ke Russia as ada pembukaan masjid baru di Saratov..tak jauh from Volgograd..Tapi kami tak pergi pun as tempat tuh bahaya dan jauh dari kami...Alhamdulilah sekarng islam makin berkembang disini...
P/s:kalau ikut sejarah islam bukanlah diterima sangat di Russia..kalau ada masa saya cerita...
Langgan:
Catatan (Atom)